Tourist Trap (1979)

Folks, today was a strange day.

It was a good day - just strange. It was the type of day in which you analyze things just a little bit more than usual. This is both a good and bad thing.

Good in that things come to light that will make you laugh, feel whole, enlighten, and delight. Bad in that you burrow, creep, discover, and painfully reflect.

Today was incredibly constructive and yet, when you're watching a horror movie every day for a month, you began to question what your own quest is really about.  For instance: You Are Watching A Movie Every Day For A Month - how more leisurely can you get? Not Much.

And then, if you choose to go there, what are you giving up in the process (of this quest). Thems some deep dark honest places sometimes, people. Do you even want to know the answer? Sometimes... not really.

My Husband and I have reached an apex in our lives that bring such questions and curiosities into our lives. And sadly, I really don't have a great movie to tag onto this dark frame of mind... or do I...?

Tonight's film Tourist Trap, seems to be the most fitting film for this evening and tonight's October Challenge.

Being a tourist seems to be the best way to describe when you feel most out of yourself,  On top of it all, I rented this film from the "New Movies" section, only to realize it actual came out in 1979. So I'm not sure what is happening with this whole thing but I suspect I'm out an extra $1.25...

In all, I feel like today has held a few more hidden messages than I'd like to admit. So, naturally, I'm going to watch a movie about wax figures. Cause that's totally gong to solve all the problems/questions.

See you after the show and Happy Friday!

UPDATE

This movie tried to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre SO BAD. Painfully, terribly - it wanted to be  TCM's bestie Single White Female style. It made me a little sad, and yet, that made this one horribly funny.

As my Husband was snuggled into the couch, politely choosing not to watch this film by sleeping, I was getting a little drunk and having an internal dialog about the pointlessness of my October Challenge. Seriously, it's not like I'm going to be chilling on my porch at 90+ years old, saying to myself, "So glad I watched all those movies..." And then I watched this film, which did not help my state of mind. In most any other circumstance this would have been a fun film. Just not last night.

My little existential crisis is right one queue, though. As the social invites begin to pile up, my attempts to secure 4 hours a night to focus on a film and review it become more difficult. That's when the "Why the hell am I doing this?" questions begin to violently bubble to the surface.

Bah! But enough about me, 'cause it all works out in the end! It really does, folks.

And now back to the movie.

Okay so I'm having a mini existential crises and then I watch Tourist Trap. This crazy, campy, slightly original, but mostly a copy cat of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Carrie, and Psycho is a curious little side-splitter.

This is a great film for a group of B-horror movie fans! It will be a laugh riot for everyone. This is not the best film to watch by yourself on a late Friday night when you're in a serious, slightly sad state of mind.

In all, this is a great film for any downright silly time with a group of friends. All you really need to know is that this film tried to blend three downright horrifying classics (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Carrie, and Psycho) - to hilarious results. That's it.

Okay, that's it for now folks! See you soon!

The Walking Dead (Television Show, 2010)

As a birthday present to my Husband, Michael, I am taking a day off from my October Challenge. Instead, our cat is going to lay ALL OVER our clean laundry. He says happy birthday too. This is his Happy Birthday face, on our stuff:

...I walk away for a minute...

Nobody complained. You Try Watching A Horror Movie Every Night For 15 Days - See How Long You Last!

Seriously, as much as I love horror movies, I don't mind a night off right now. Instead, we just had a wonderful night out on the town, terrorizing the locals. And by terrorizing I mean, giving them a dinner conversation for the next two weeks (at least).

So, instead of a movie I'm going to talk for a minute about our newest obsession, The Walking Dead:

I can not stress enough how much this TV series has infiltrated my BRAIN. Funny thing is, my Husband turned me on to this film! My non-horror movie lovin' husband turned me on to The Walking Dead, and now there is no turning back.

He had it on the TV one evening, stating, "...I think you'd like this..." and it was all over from there. I've been overdosing on The Walking Dead ever since.

My dreams: All Walking Dead. My daily life: periodic shouts of "Walker!". My grocery store list: "Will this last us the winter?"

It's all over, folks. This TV series wins my heart, mind, and Just About my soul. It is, after all, a TV show.

In closing, this is a wonderful wonderful show. It has connected a non-horror movie loving spouse with a horror movie loving spouse in way a nothing else has previously. We are finally eating our popcorn out of the same bag.

I can't say enough good things about this show. I also can't say enough good things about my hilarious, wonderful, partner-in-crime Husband.

Happy Birthday, Michael, I love you! Now let's watch some Walking Dead!

Jolie

Black Sheep (Unrated, 2006)

So.... a kid ran from me today. I was just strolling down the street when I walked by this backpack-laden youngster and that's when I became a thing of nightmares for this after school sherpa.

It would have been hilarious if this poor kiddo didn't have the look of pure terror on his face. I'm not sure if I should have made some more noise before trying to walk by to pass him, or if he has some very strange parents, but it was something else. He jumped at the sound of my footsteps and that's when he began to run ahead. In classic horror movie fashion he stopped mid running to check and see if the "monster" was still following, and then continue on.

The little man did this for two blocks! I began to feel sorry for him but I knew at this point it was too late to run after him and shout, "Hey, hey, hey, you, kid!! Why you running, bro?!"  It would have made things far worse.

I will probably never understand, but I can only hope that someday I will become an urban legend. It would go something like this:

Kids around the camp fire: "...and as he begins walking home - he hears it. The sound of knee-high boots right behind him!" Gasps "He turns around and then he sees the knee-length brown corduroy coat, the very expensive La Font glasses, and he smells her cigarette!" More gasps!!! "It's her!!!! The Lady Walking Down The Street!" Screams all around. "True story. I heard it from my cousin's best friend's estranged half brother."

I can see it now....

So, [claps hands] on to tonight's film!

I'm not totally cheating here - I've seen the "rated" version of Black Sheep. But I have not seen the UNRATED version! It works. My October Challenge. My rules.

I've been wanting to watch this film again for quite some time, so when I saw it on the shelves at Rain City Video, I was like, "Zoinks. Done". However, when my husband saw the cover of this film, all he said was "HAHAHAHA!"

This is actually not the cover from the DVD I'm watching now, but we're all going to have to deal 'cause it's close enough.

Yeah, so this movie is about killer sheep. So What! It's a movie about *Killer Sheep* people! When I first saw this film I was blown away by how gruesome and startling scary it was. I was expecting more cheese (see also Killer Sheep), but wound up blown away by how well done this film handled cheese mixed with an honest-to-goodness terrifying creature feature.

I originally watched this film on a Saturday Afternoon!

As I remember it, this is a great film. Simply great. I look forward to seeing again. See you after the show with all my "Told You So's". XO

UPDATE

AND.... it's still awesome - with even more disturbing stuff! I can see why this version is Unrated...

Gore, laughs, scares, absurdity, great effects, fun characters, Black Sheep has it all. This is a classic in my friend group, and will be a classic in our home (for me). My Husband is cracking after 15 straight days of horror - he barely found this one funny.

Recommended pairing: Lamb and red wine. Lots of it.

Annabelle (2014)

Today was a bit of a long day, folks. I was really looking forward to rushing home, getting in my PJs, and eating some chicken tacos. The visions were already clear in my head.

I was standing at my bus stop after work when my brother, Matt, texted me and asked if we were still on for a movie show at the downtown theater tonight.

My first thought: damnit! That's right! My second thought:... But PJs and chicken tacos... [sad face]. I am a kind and considerate older sister! Its just that when PJs and chicken tacos get in the head, I'm hard pressed to get the vision/need out. It becomes like a drug.

I call him back: "Hey Matt! Would tomorrow work better -?"

Matt: "No, it wouldn't."

Me: "Ah, oh man, ah..."

Matt: "What is it, Jolie? What - what's going on?"

Me: "Oh man, you see ...ah"

Matt: " Spit it out, Jolie, what's up?"

Me: "Whaaaaaa! PJs and Chicken tacos! WhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!"

He said I was too young to want PJs and chicken tacos right when I got home from work, and that I sounded like a drug fiend looking for my next fix.

So we are seeing Annabelle tonight!

Folks, spending time with family is more important than PJs and chicken tacos. At least for a 35 year old, apparently. We might need to reevaluate this in another year...

See you after the show!

PS: Matt and I agreed that he'll be providing the final update on this film. He'll be able to properly relay how we both felt about Annabelle. Though, I want to add that there were points where we both started laughing so hard that I thought I might need to run out of the theater before people started throwing popcorn at us. Instead I just slunk down in my chair and held my mouth and sides. And yet, there were nightmare worthy moments that required a beer (or two) to wash away. These scenes will creep back into your head though, once the beer wears off...

Take it away Matt! And thank you for being such a kick ass brother!


UPDATE:

Dolls = scary, demons = scary, dark basements = scary, ritualistic murders = scary, crayon drawings = silly.  Annabelle is a movie that contains all of the above items, and by doing a little bit of math, you can figure out that this movie is 4 parts scary to 1 part silly.  This is not necessarily something to criticize though, since a little bit of silliness is usually welcome in a good ol' fashion horror movie.

If you've watched any of the other James Wan/Blum House production, this movie will give you exactly what you've come to expect.  Insideous, Sinister, Conjuring, etc, all have pretty much the exact same template.  Lingering shots of creepy items that do nothing, shots of a room where a apparition appears but the protagonist is looking the other direction, and stuff that make a unique sound you just know is going to go off later in the movie with nobody touching it!  Pretty standard stuff, but, dammit, I can't let it pull me in.

If you want a synopsis of the movie, then too bad.  You already know this movie anyway.  Possessed doll, young couple, yada yada yada, who cares.  What I want to talk about is the fantastic baby acting in this movie.  I'm pretty sure Daniel Day-Lewis may have gone through some massive physical transformation and turned himself into a baby, because he/she is that good.  I'm not trying to be facetious either, this baby was really good!  There's no IMDb credits for baby, so unfortunately I can not set up any alerts for when his/her next movie comes out. Dang.

As far as the infamous crayon drawings go, let me explain.  The young couple with a baby, John and Mia, find a series of 4 crayon drawings, supposedly made by some neighbor kids, depicting a woman crossing a road with a baby carriage.  Each drawing had the mom and baby progressing across a road, and a semi truck getting closer and closer.  When they pick up the final drawing and it shows, rather comically, the truck having run over the carriage, and red crayon all over the paper, Jolie and I just kind of lost it.  We laughed for a good couple of minutes after that.  I can see how it was suppose to be funny, but that fact that it was crayon, that the progression was obvious, and that lack of any real concern by the parents made the whole thing just silly.  Luckily, a few scenes later was the mother trapped in the basement with a demon scene, which was TERRIFYING.

I'll give it a 6 out of 10.  I say check it out, but honestly a DVD rental would be appropriate.  Do turn off the lights though.

Seeding Of A Ghost (1983)

So today is Columbus Day, also known as Indigenous People's Day, also known as that holiday I keep forgetting about but work is paying me to sit on the couch all afternoon so I'm not complaining too much.

I am not a fan of Columbus. I'm glad the focus of this day is changing to recognize the horrors inflicted by Columbus and his peeps, and celebrate Native American cultures, rather the praise a narcissistic man who was totally and completely lost. 

SO, what to do today, what to...do...

First thing I did was flip open the local drug store flyer to see what was on sale. Here is an actual conversation I had with my husband before the coffee was even brewed: 

Me, standing in the middle of the living room in my PJs, flipping through the flyer. Flipping stops abruptly: "OH MAN!"

Mike, sitting at the computer catching up on world news. Quickly turns around at the sound of my shock/horror/can't tell what't going on voice: "What - what is it, something wrong?"

Me: "o.b. tampons are on sale!"

Mike, turns back to the computer: "My sweet pea... that's nice."

Me: "No! You Don't Understand! These are NEVER on sale. Just never. Oh Man... " I return to flipping. 

A Few Seconds Later...

Me "Oh My Gawd!"

Mike, not turning around this time: "What?"

Me: "10 pound bag of cat litter is only $1.79!! $1.79!!"

Mike: "That's good."

Me: "$1.79....I'm going shopping today..."

Seriously, folks. The excitement in this house never stops. Especially when there's a good deal to be found. 

Once the local drug store "Columbus Day Sale" hullabaloo settled down, things returned to normal. I went to my collection of Rain City Video rentals and picked out today's film: Seeding Of A Ghost aka Zhong gui.

Now, let me just relay to you what the back of this DVD case has relayed to me: 

"Possession, exploding bodies, zombie mayhem and gross-out shocks aplenty await you in the most extreme Hong Kong cult film of them all! Following the prediction of a dark magician, the unfaithful wife of a Hong Kong cab driver falls victim to a pair of murderous thugs. Outraged, the cabbie arranges supernatural vengeance with the aid of an unholy union between the dead. Never released in America due to its taboo subject matter, this mind-melting Asian answer to The Evil Dead has stunned viewers for years in low-quality gray-market editions and now makes it long-awaited American debut!"

That's right, I'm spending this gruesome holiday afternoon watching a foreign film that was too disturbing for American viewers. So, without further ado (because I gots to get my shopping on later), let's get this mind-melting Asian answer to The Evil Dead on the road! See you after the show!

UPDATE

I don't know what you think you know about horror movies, Asian horror movies, or exploitation films, but I assure you - you've never seen anything like this.

If you can think of it, it's probably in this film. For instance: Haunted looking mansion? Check. Comically Large Matchsticks? Check. Sexual violence? Check. Police force without uniforms - only little IDs to represent they are a police officer? Check. Bad ass fight scenes? Check. Miami Vice attire? Check. Demon birth? Check. Epic battle between Good Priests and Bad Priests? Check. Check. Nudity? Check. Constant gambling? Check. Necrophilia? Check. Revenge? Check.

In all, total and complete loss of sanity (as a viewer)?

Check.

This film is absolutely not for everyone. It's gross, it's wrong, it's so over-the-top that you need to go in mentally and emotionally prepared. I wasn't even sure if I should relay the trailer for this film....but I will.

Please do not watch the trailer at work or in front of little ones that do not have the mental capacity to understand complete and total human chaos.

But before I show the trailer, I would just like to say that this is a great Extreme horror film. I'm not sure if anything like this can be recreated again, so I'm glad someone got this one made before the '80s ended. And now I want to watch all the Shaw Brother's stuff. It will only take me about 20-25 years, but I can do it.

I present to you, the trailer of the Shaw Brother's production: Seeding Of A Ghost. You have been warned!

Happy Columbus Day.