Black Christmas (2019)

Okay, I'm going to just give everyone fair warning right off the bat:

I've been in COVID-19 quarantine for a month, friends and family - everyone - are loosing jobs, lives, and living on the precipice, I'm *this close* to throwing things out the window whenever I see/hear president 45 breathe, and the stupidity on social media is giving me a tick that may have possible long term damage.

I also just downed a handful of IPA beers on an empty stomach and ready to cut a b*tch.

LET'S DO THIS!

Black Christmas

This movie wasn't even on my radar until, oh, two days ago. I think I may have heard it was created but probably thought it was from a dream - it was that much of a whisper in my orbit.

When my brother suggesting watching it we both approached the idea with an "Eh, could be interesting. Let's see" and nothing more than that. 

Started it up, noticed it was a Blumhouse production (we both mumbled something like, "oh yeah, they are putting out some good, interesting stuff...), saw the acting was well done, it's engaging, we're getting into it - and then one of the characters stated her menstrual cup was missing and I was: "Oh hell YEAH!"  I sat up a little more and thought: Damn girl, we don't talk about periods and the environmental, financial, and physical benefits of certain hygiene products in horror films. I'm listening....

It was about that time that I remembered a quote from a Blumhouse book I had just finished (The Blumhouse Book of Nightmares - find me on Goodreads for more, bookworms): "Whenever I am meeting with a new filmmaker, I always say the same thing: 'I can't promise you a hit movie, but I can promise you that it will be your movie.'" - Jason Blum

As an artist, this spoke clearly and inspirationally to me. As someone who was perusing the user reviews for this film on IMDB, this spoke mountains. Mountains of opinions. Mountains of tone-deaf, flat, and cheap opinions. 

Look, I also initially questioned why this film was called Black Christmas (as a remake of the classic). I questioned because it stands on it's own and I dare say that if it was called anything else (but still retained the Easter egg tributes), it would have received a different reception.

Die hard fans of the original were unsurprisingly *shocked*. I don't usually use this term, but based on the reviews I'm going to call them pearl clutchers - flabbergasted at this version versus the original. Some holy ground was broken. 

Good.

This film took a Leonardo painting and had a Picasso make their own version.

I don't know if it's the world we're in right now or if I've officially reached an age where I'm really connecting with tales of angry old women saying 'f*ck you all' and going off to live in the woods, but I think I really needed to see some ladies on TV shoving pads down their pants, wearing little Santa suites while calling out rapists, smashing and bashing all manner of threats with all their might, and overall making everyone UNCOMFORTABLE.

This film makes people uncomfortable. 

Good.

Regardless of how that uncomfortable sense resonates - this film provides many options - over the last couple of days I've become very comfortable with how uncomfortable it is, and I'm perfectly fine if it makes anyone uncomfortable for a much longer time. Saturate and come out a learning something about yourself - you know - like art is suppose to do.

This film isn't my favorite but gaddam I respect it.

My brother and I talked throughout the film and I added at points that yes, good girl friends snuggle, laugh at our own breasts, bathe naked with each other, and have some record-breaking filthy mouths. He asked for examples on the talk, so I provided him with my favorite - a compliment to friends but an insult to strangers - especially when we're all in really deep, drunken gossip: 

"Shut your whore mouth!"

So hey, (2019) IMDB reviewers of this film: shut your whore mouth.

This film is rented from Scarecrow video (a brick and mortar store) - they are testing out an option to mail movies during this COVID b*llshit and we're doing our part to try and keep them in business. Or use the Find It Watch It links on Horror Habit's sidebar to locate where else you can you find this movie version of a friend you're not sure if you can bring to certain parties. 

Stay safe, be well, take care of you. 

The Incubus (1982)

I pulled the latest Maxim magazine out of my bag and my husband said "I don't know what part of this magazine is so compelling that you chose to bring it into our home..." He's right, the only reason this magazine would even make it past the entry hallway is due to some life altering item therein.

I attended a birthday party last night, mentioned that I'm blogging about horror movies, and the birthday girl quickly handed over this magazine. Besides a half naked woman, on the cover was "66 Best Horror Flicks You've Never Seen".

HAHAhA. Bah humbug. I've seen them all, I said to her. To my shock, there were several movies listed that I've never seen. Additionally, I counted only 34 movies in their list. 63 if you count the movies that horror movie directors (Maxim interviewed) liked and were inspired by. Either Maxim has a math problem or we've  fallen pray to an advertising gimmick. My vote is: Math Problem.

Movies on this list that I've seen and highly recommend:

(1) The Innocents: hands down, one of the best ghost stories ever. The movie is from 1961, and is based on a 1898 novella by Henry James titled "The Turn Of The Screw". I read the story after watching the movie. Both are works of art in character development, scenery, and suspense. Either you read the story or watch the movie - know they will be time well spent. Highly recommended.

(2): Dog Soldiers: I do not have enough wonderful things to say about this movie. After watching this film is the only time I've walked out of the theater and was honest-to-god-scared to be by myself. I made my brother walk me to the bus stop and I still was convinced that a werewolf would bust through the window and tear me to shreds. Fantastic film, with a hint of dark humor, and a whole lotta screams.

(3) Black Christmas: I began this film with the attitude that it would be yet another piece of trashy art, and I love trashy, campy art. Especially if it's from 1974. No, this was not heart warming trash, this work was a piece of bone chilling gold. Women in college doing their own thing, having [gasp] their own opinions - apparently the killer in this film did not like it. A thesis could be written about this piece and I've considered doing it.


(4) High Tension, and Martyrs: Why! Why must the French make movies portraying the most screwed up people!?! I recommend keeping plenty of water around when watching these films, you'll want to feel clean. Gore, Gore, Gore. Horrible people doing horrible things in such a clever way. Watch these and I suspect you'll walk away not looking at the world in the same way.

(5) The Pit: Yes. Yes please. More "The Pit" - a  feel good family flick. Not really. This is any family's real life adventure with demons in the backyard if we all grew up with demons in the backyard. Delightful. If you're new to horror movies, start here. If horror movies are old hat and you've not see this movie: What Is Wrong With You? Watch it. Watch it now.

Okay - there be my reviews of Maxim's list. I'll watch their other suggested movies in the not-to-distant future. But now on to today's movie:

The mystery movie that the Rain City Video employee would not let me see the back cover of: The Incubus. Tonight's movie pairing: Beer and Pizza

Update:

The beginning of this film was a fine demonstration on how to not build strong, healthy, stable relationships. As the film continued the feminist in me was laughing uncontrollably - to the point of not breathing. And then the feminist in me died of asphyxiation. There was a great deal of focus on the female reproductive system, an uncomfortable, and Todd Akin-logic amount of focus.

Also, one scene has a reference to the Rocky Horror Picture Show - fans, you are welcome to cry here. I did.

I felt compelled to get a little political on this one because of the comical amount time this movie spent on the reproductive systems of both men and women, which I find parallel today's political environment  Although, I really shouldn't be surprised, considering the title of the movie is The Incubus, it was made in 1982, and perfect timing can be hilarious. If you don't know what an Incubus is then Wikipedia has some entertaining information for you. If you don't know what 1982 is then, well...I just don't know what to say.

Good film to watch with beer, pizza, friends, and plenty of distractions. My husband was a fantastic Mystery Science Theater 3000 contributor to this movie.