The Oddities Museum (A Personal Experience)

Folks, although this is a horror movie review blog, I need to share a personal experience that I had during my 4th of July holiday vacation.

I drove back to my family home in South Dakota from Seattle with my husband Michael and one of my brothers, fellow blog contributor, Matthew. Despite the two day drive (one way) and 16 family members being crowded together in one house for four days, we all had a great time and I loved being there with everyone. On July 3rd we decided to visit the carnival in town. It's been several years since I went to a carnival and I really wanted to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with my nieces so I jumped right on that band wagon.

This traveling show comes to our hometown every year for the 4th of July, so I expected to see the same rides and not be blown away by anything new. This year the carnival surprised me with a massive "Oddities Museum" tent, complete with painted banners advertising sword swallowers and freaks of nature.

Right On! I thought to myself - I've always wanted to see one of these shows. What could possibly go wrong?

I surveyed the crowd to see who would join me in this excursion and only my two eldest nieces and my brother, Matthew were willing to join me. My youngest niece, seven years old, informed me that the tent was "inappropriate", my husband said I would regret it, and the other family members conveniently didn't hear me and complained of sunburns and heat stroke.

It was agreed upon that we should ride the Tilt-A-Whirl first and then see the show. I didn't see a problem with this until we got on the ride, started twirling around (laughing, screaming) and then something broke. We came to a sudden stop and the machine operator ordered us off right away, claiming a belt snapped but that we could come back in about 30 minutes and ride for free. This shook me up pretty good. It actually left me more worried about what we'd see in the Oddities tent and with a vow that I would not be returning for my free ride. Figured I just got a second chance at life and wouldn't risk another more dangerous break in the machine that could hurtle me into a crowd of cotton candy stuffed people like a bowling ball plowing through pins.

But on to the Oddities Tent we went! We gave our tickets to the carnival barker - who was not actually barking - just standing behind the podium and adjusting the volume of this barking boom box that proclaimed I'd see wonders that will blow my mind.

The four of us began our tour with seeing supposed mummies, mermaids, and monsters. No big deal, I've seen the same things in touristy curiosity shops but I quickly surmised that all these exhibits were found in a taxidermist's musty basement where they were created 50+ years ago with a little needle, thread, and imagination. But it was when we encountered the live exhibits that the sadness kicked in. A duck with a little webbed foot on it's head, two headed turtles, a dog with five legs, etc. these did not blew my mind - they just made me sad. Especially seeing the condition of their homes which was not okay with me, and  my sad quickly turned into mad.

By this time I want to advise my nieces not to touch anything and ask if they were up-to-date on their hepatitis shots, but then the leopard lady showed up...

She was on a stage, behind us and she bellowed into the microphone: "Hi, hi there! Come on up to the stage now." We turned around reluctantly and walked up to the stage. Think Dorothy and team approaching the great wizard for the first time. Now, the only audience in this tent were me, my two nieces, my brother, and some other preteen girl who was likely only there because an older brother double dog dared her to. She seemed rather afraid of the leopard lady and stood close to us. Although the audience scene was bad, I thought perhaps the leopard lady would show us a trick or two to make this $2.00 ticket experience worth it. I then noticed that her "leopard prints" were smugging around the knees and accepted the fact that I just spent $8.00 to be disappointed.

As the North Dakotan accented leopard lady showed us stabbing herself with sharp objects, and sword and fire swallowing with the enthusiasm of a banana slug, I had a vision of her taking shots of Wild Turkey between each show, crying a little more each time. I felt sorry for her in-between thoughts of: "Why is that typical North Dakota license plate just sitting there, propped up on the stage...?" and "Did you just seriously request that we not take up sword swallowing because there were too many people already doing it?" and "Please make this ride stop, depression is kicking in."

However, it was when she began asking for a participant from the audience that I wanted to grab the kids and run. Instead, my nieces ran and hid behind us. Smart girls. Unfortunately for the double dog dare taker, she then became the target for the leopard lady.

Here's how it went down:

Leopard Lady: "Come on up! I'll put you in this box and run these blades through."
Double Dog Dare Taker: Shakes head violently.
LL: "Oh come on. It won't hurt, I promise. It'll be quick."
DDDT: Shakes head violently.
LL: "Please, see you'll just go in this box and I'll show you where to hide."
DDDT: Shakes head violently.
LL: "Oh I get it. Your parents probably told you not to crawl into strangers boxes at the carnival."
DDDT: Just stands there, on the verge of tears.
LL: "Oh well, alright. On to plan B which is never as good as plan A. Does anyone have a dollar they want to make disappear?"
Me: Everyone is looking at me. "I don't have any cash..." which was not true...
LL: "Come on - a dollar, anyone?"
Me: Fishes into my change container, trying to hide my dollar bills, "...I got...let's see here...sixty five cents?"
LL: "That'll work."
Me: gives change to Matthew who then gives it to the leopard lady.
LL: "Okay, we don't normally accept change but this should work. See this normal piece of fabric? [displays a piece of blue velvet] I will now make this money disappear [continues to display a piece of blue velvet, turns it a couple times] Ta-Da! [displays the same piece of blue velvet, then tosses it over her shoulder. It flies to the stage and you can clearly hear the change when it hits. Matthew and I nearly loose it in laughter at this point]. Okay - here you go young lady, [eldest niece accepts .65 cent gift] a picture of me swallowing a sword!"

We all sad clapped, thanked her for her time and ran out of the tent. The rest of the family was waiting for us right outside and excitedly asked us about the experience. I went up to my Husband and asked him to hold me, Matthew was silent for a long while, and the nieces politely said, "It was interesting."

In all, this little excursion to the Oddities Museum was a bad idea, however if it's not a good time then it's a good story ... and I really needed to talk about this experience to the interwebs. You Are All Welcome! Also, this little adventure was a horror show on a whole different level so I think it will still fit nicely on this blog.

Good luck out there everyone.

Ghost Whisperer (Television Series, 2005)

It's only taken me four years after the series ended, but I finally finished Ghost Whisperer.

I love this show and let me tell you why (because it may surprise you and this is my blog):

• It's very very pretty! Pretty in the everlasting fresh laundry smell, immaculate kitchen, what-money-problems kind of way. This show portrays a beautiful day dream, a desirable life, hopes and wishes come true.
• It's very very ugly! Ugly in the we all have problems, loved ones dying, yes that is madness kind of way. This show portrays a nightmare for everyone, our greatest fears, facing inner demons.

This show simultaneously provided heartwarming entertainment and down-right spooky stuff. *these are a few of my favorite things*

Ghost Whisperer was booted off the air early. I believe Jennifer Love Hewitt's response to this was something to the extent of  "Each episode is about closure, and we didn't have that for the series". Which is very sad! This show should have run its own course. It should have been able to tell the end of the story the way it intended. Not murdered by TV execs in it's prime. I understand that there have been attempts by fans to revive the series, but so far a no go.

But you can still watch every episode on Netflix as of today! I advise you do so stat. 

Here's what I did nearly every Friday night when it was on the air, to prep myself for each episode:

1. Gather lady friends
2. Bottles of wine procured
3. Situate oneself comfortably on the couch
4. Have tissues handy

I'm not kidding here, folks! This stuff was important to me! I complained very loudly on Facebook (and by that I mean all in caps) when I came home one Friday and discovered the show was canceled. My Friday nights have never been the same...

Ghost Whisperer was one of the best things to have ever happened to 30-something year olds at 7:00 PM on Friday nights. I looked forward to my little gatherings (or some times just me on the couch) watching tales unfold about unfinished business with dead loved ones over a bottle of wine and crying my happy eye balls out by the end of the 45 minute episode.

[sigh]

This is not so much of a review as it is me talking about how much I missed those Ghost Whisperer on the air days. I was never properly able to recreate those days when the show became available on Netflix but I believe you can, and you should.

This is a very fun series that asks for nothing more than your heart and attention for 45 minutes at a time. Although I can see where men or women not in touch with their "feminine" side could find the show comical - too girly, but that is also part of why I liked it so much. This show became a little A Room Of One's Own for me, which I believe is and always will be valuable for everyone. This show was at times comical and girly and there is not a damn thing wrong with that.

Good bye for now, Ghost Whisperer, you did a great job with the time you had. Cheers to all those who discover you in the future, you delicious little perfectly home-baked cookie of wonder, sadness and joy, you.

10 Father's Day Horror Movies

Horror-Movies-Ca has provided an excellent list of movies to choose from for this Father's Day! Enjoy :)

Celebrate Fathers day with our newest Top 10 of the most monstrous movie dads http://t.co/1IjRy4EbuJ
— HorrorMovies (@HorrorMovies) June 15, 2014

Friday the 13th Movie Suggestions

So it's Friday the 13th today. You could go out and take your chances in the world, or simply stay in and have a horror movie fest!

I recommend the latter.

I've gone through the horror movie genre list on Netflix and came up with some potentials. Although there are A Lot of movies you can choose from - because  Netflix is awesome that way and there are still so many that I haven't seen yet - below  are my picks based on what I've seen so far. Enjoy!

Spooky, Chilling, Ghostly, May Invoke Sad Emotions:

• Absentia
• The Awakening
• Below
• The Innkeepers
• Ju-on, The Grudge
• The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh
• The Legend of Hell House
• Lovely Molly

Suspenseful, Original, Striking, Requires Some Patience and Thought:

• Absentia
• Carrie
• Candyman
• The Innkeepers
• The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh
• Let The Right One In (2008)
• Lovely Molly
• Monsters
• Night of the Living Dead
• Nosferatu
• Occupant
• Pontypool
• Wake Wood

Thrilling, Scary, Fun, Sometimes A Little Too Over-The-Top:

• The Cabin in the Woods
• Children of the Corn
• Dead End
• Dead Snow
• Grabbers
• Grave Encounters
• The Hole
• Insidious Chapter 2
• The People Under the Stairs
• Pontypool
• Troll Hunter

Vampires:

• Bram Stoker's Dracula
• Fright Night
• From Dusk Till Dawn
• Let the Right One In (2008)
• Nosferatu

Witches:

• Black Death
• Black Sabbath
• Black Sunday
• The Craft
• Hellraiser
• Kill, Baby...Kill
• Rosemary 's Baby

Drink The Night Away Into Hilarious Oblivion:

• The Baby
• C.H.U.D.
• Evil Dead 2
• Grabbers
• House (1986)
• Kill, Baby...Kill
• Leprechaun
• Sharknado

Silly, Light, Classics, Some Okay For Kids:

• Attack of the Crab Monsters
• Believe
• Black Sabbath
• Black Sunday
• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
• The Hole
• House on Haunted Hill
• The Mummy (1932)
• The People Under the Stairs
• Transylvania 6-5000

Grabbers (2012)

OH HELL YEAH

Grabbers!

I was advised by multiple people, in a bar no less, to watch this fantastic Irish film. They know me so well! 

Things that make this movie absolutely awesome:

• My anti-horror movie fan Husband loved it. Huge points for that.
• It's hysterical
• The story line is so clever I could just pee my pants
• The fast and efficient dialog is some of the wittiest I've heard in a long time
• The monsters were scary
• Lovely scenery

That said, the major element of this film taps (just enough) into a dangerous and dark humored social respect edge:

• This movie is about Irish people drinking excessively

If any other country/culture/society made this film I don't think it would go over well. And yet, Grabbers pulled it off and turned it around to punch a few stereotypes right in the face. This movie is brilliant.

This is a great film for people who love, silly, witty not-overly scary horror movies. This is not. I repeat: Not a good film if you are struggling to abstain from alcohol. Grabbers is a movie about people who survive an alien attack by getting themselves tanked (and loving it). This movie captures complete and total intoxication very well...too well - so if booze is a problem for you then maybe you'll want to give this one a bit of time.

In all, I loved this movie. LOVE IT. It's fun, it's creepy, it's a little gross, and it's very smart.

Grabbers actually brought back a mad rush of fond memories I have of my nights at a local Irish pub down the street. I spent nearly a decade there, saturating my weekends with mighty craic, hefty beer mugs, and having a grand old time laughing, crying my eyes out, solving the mysteries of the universe, dancing dancing dancing, and singing singing singing with friends and family. The place is no longer the same but I will always have treasured memories from this pub that I'll hold tight to my heart for a lifetime.

I dedicate this movie review to my 20s...