Juan of the Dead (2011)

I'm not exactly sure why but it would appear the universe concocted a curious plan to ensure I saw Juan of the Dead - now, as in right now.

It started off as a tip, a reminder actually, from someone who has been to Cuba. She said "... you have to see this movie! And review it!" Title was jotted down and I made mental note to see it as soon as possible.

Then President Obama went on his historic visit to Cuba last week. I watched the news knowing that I was watching history in the making. Then I reminded myself, "Oh that's right, must watch Juan of the Dead."

That same week I was informed that yet more people I know had booked tickets to Cuba!

As I was walking to the library to drop off some items, thinking to myself, "My goodness, what is going on with all this Cuba business up in my grill lately..." and then I saw it. Sitting in the DVD section: Juan of the Dead.

Is this a sign?!?!?! I took it as one and promptly plucked this movie that Scream Magazine nailed by calling: "George Romero meets George Carlin" off the shelf.

Folks, this brilliant political gore fest is nothing short of fascinating, hilarious, sharp, and poignant. I LOVED IT.

Fascinating because I'm almost completely oblivious to the Cuban culture, Havana living, and life in Cuba in general. Although Cuban visitors had told me about the country, it was quite a new thing to see it through more than just the mind's eye. And it would appear that the directors and producers made it clear they wanted this city (Havana) to be seen through more than just a tourist's eyes.

Hilarious because this story had absolutely no qualms whatsoever to point out political absurdities and the ways in which Cuba (and the U.S.) has been shaped as a result of many years of turmoil. Here is where the George Carlin version of funny comes in - that or a moving article version of The Onion.

Sharp because Juan of the Dead is not necessarily a slap-stick horror film. This is a stabby film - and not just gore-related. The script is striking and ensures viewers stay on the edge of their seat, all while knowing there is a strong message being relayed. The characters are dynamic, original, and completely engaging. Here's where the George Romero horror comes in.

Poignant for all the reasons I've already given. You'll walk away from this film completely satisfied in the horror watching experience, and YET! Yet, you will likely also walk away with some new perspectives on many different topics.

I highly recommend this film! I am very appreciative of the recommendation to see it :)

If you are a fan of zombies, satire, blood, guts, and well played crude jokes, then this movie is a must see for you. If you are not a fan of these things then, well, I'm sorry for you.

Recommended pairing: watch in a dismal but comfortable setting. Pairs with rum and vibrant food. Watch with a small group of friends where ever possible.

I rented this film from my local library. Or use the links under Find It. Watch It. on Horror Habit's side bar to locate where else you can find this bloody, witty, look into a type of zombie world.

Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell (2014)

If you ever wanted to know what would *probably* result after binge eating Cadbury Eggs in Mr. Wing's shop with a Mogwai cheering you on for 48 consecutive hours - then look no further than the creation of Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell.

This absurd and very witty gore fest is everything you want in comedic horror, and then some.

Unlike many campy low-budget (and expectation) horror films, Beaster Day stands heads, ears, and tails above the rest for its jokes, puns, and punchlines. The producers of this film knew exactly what they were doing when they made this film/found this rabbit puppet in Mr. Wing's basement shop. And they ran with it - naked and screaming through the middle of a football game, rejoicing in all its glory.

Jam-packed with terrible special effects, insanely absurd characters, slap-stick(ish) laugh out loud hilarity, and a rabbit puppet from your nightmares that only wants to eat your face off, this movie is absolutely something that needs to be seen to be believed.

And that's about it, what else can you add to a review about a movie titled Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell? I enjoyed this movie immensely, more so than more popular horror films of it's kind. In fact, here, check out this trailer:

Yeah, that's right. You're welcome, man.

Watch in a group. Bring plenty of beer. Pairs with veggies, cream pies, and greasy greasy greasy pizza.

I saw this film for free through Amazon Prime. Or use the links under Find It. Watch It. on Horror Habit's side bar to locate where else you can find beautiful, beautiful monstrosity.

The VVitch (2015)

When I first heard about this film, roughly six months ago, I was immediately impressed by the story but really wasn't digging on the title. Couldn't they have come up with a better title? Just "The Witch", really? Overly simple titles bug me for some reason - unless that simple title serves a purpose and properly represents the story...

After finally seeing this film last week I now totally understand why this emotionally graphic, intense, and complex movie is simply titled: The VVitch.

Despite my initial dissatisfaction of the title - I approached this movie, my Husband and brother in tow, with an open mind and a small chuckle to myself. Several days earlier I had found an article where Satanists were publicly voicing their approval of this film. I posted this rather interesting article on Twitter and was quickly notified that Horror Habit Blog was added to someone's Twitter list titled: "People Who Talk About Satan". Oh, Twitter.

This movie is a stark film that will leave you cold and afraid. Straight up. The incredibly detailed set and costumes will promptly pull you into the nightmare that was 1600's Colonial America (witches or not). I'm not sure what part of our culture has instilled a fear of early colonial costumes in me, but whenever I see these outfits I'm already terrified.

This movie is a fantastic study on the era and the people who made it worse. In a time when fear, starvation, religious fanaticism, isolation, and daily brutality in every form was the expectation, its no wonder that people thought witches were out to get them at every turn. 

Through the duration of the film I kept thinking back to my visit to Salem, Massachusetts a few years ago. My memories were primarily focused on the Jonathan Corwin House (aka The Witch House). Corwin was the primary judge presiding over the unfortunate Salem Witch Trials. This very very very spooky home demonstrated to shuddering degrees, to me, the daily horrors of simply living (and living as a women, no less) in the time. The kitchen scared me most. It didn't look like a kitchen, it looked like a torture chamber. I never wanted to hug a grocery store, refrigerator, or food processor more - in all my life. 

The VVitch shows these frightening daily toils exceptionally well. Oh, and to make matters more terrifying, there's a witch and a demon goat. If the failing crops weren't enough...

Although minimal in blood and gore, there are images here that will stick with you for the rest of your life (and will likely end up in your nightmares). The dialog is also minimal but at times I could have used some subtitles. That's okay though, I didn't need to understand every word to know that things were going to erupt in chaos at any moment. 

Folks, I need to share something. It's announced at the very end of the film, but I feel all should know even before watching the movie: nearly all the dialog is taken directly from court transcripts, letters, and diaries of the time, making the movie a triumph in horror and an absolute failing grade in humanitarianism. Humans are just the worst sometimes. 

In all: This is a great horror show. I have chills now just remembering it. 

Watch with historians, philosophers, folk lore enthusiasts, and if you really want to spice things up a bit, Satanists. Pairs with scraps of food, moldy bread, or perhaps a small bowl of unidentifiable soup. Dark beer. Dark dark dark beer. 

I saw this movie in the theater. You should see this movie in the theater. If you happen to miss it in theaters then please be sure to watch it at home, on a cold, dark night alone.

The Day of the Triffids (1963)

If someone had come up to me yesterday and said: "Hey, hey - you should totally see The Day of the Triffids! It's a great movie!"

I would respond with: "Day of the what? Truffles? Triffids, seriously? What are triffids?" and then picture in my mind something that resembles a hairball.

Now that I've seen this film I'm here to tell you: "Hey, hey - you should totally see The Day of the Triffids! It's a great movie!"

It really is, folks. This British Sci-Fi Horror film is absolutely stellar. Not only is the world invaded by large gruesome carnivorous plants that can UPROOT THEMSELVES and attack people, but their alien arrival via a meteorite shower has blinded nearly everyone on Earth.

Doesn't that sound like fun?!

Now I know that all sounds like the making of another great product for the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show (...it has B moments), but that's part of what makes this movie so great: It's A Surprise!

This movie is a well executed thriller with fine acting, atmosphere, cinematography, production value, and story line. Even the monsters are effectively disturbing, albeit circa 1960s monsters. The Day of the Triffids is not your typical mid-century creature feature. This is a serious, top-shelf, sinister and innovative creature feature that will crawl right into your chest cavity and rip your hearts out.

An excellent pick for a late night movie or to gather around with classic horror movie fans - either way, I can guarantee this movie will not disappoint.

Pairings: Eat Salad. An enormous salad - preferably with at least one ingredient that is difficult to pronounce. Have some liquor around - But Don't Drink It. Let it just sit there and tempt you. Couple bottles of beer from a local brewery or very dark tea. Watch with botanists.

Watch the movie here! Compliments of the Internet Archive, or use the links under Find It. Watch It. on Horror Habit's side bar to locate where else you can find this delightfully creepy-crawly classic.

The Revenant (2015)

I know exactly what you're thinking: "What is this drama - about a man (Hugh Glass) being attacked by a bear, left for dead by his travel companions, then come back from the brink of death just to seek revenge on these individuals - doing on a horror movie review blog?"

Because it's a BLOOD BATH, folks. Blood. Bath. Also, this story is a nightmare that will make a mockery of all your Falling or Walking Into Math Class Naked dreams.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Perhaps I should start this review with how the real Hugh Glass probably hung out in my back yard.

No, wait  - 

 Let me start at the beginning.

My brother and I (originally from South Dakota) have had plans to see this movie for a while. Not only were we excited to see this completely morbid based-on-a-true story adventure, but we felt it was our duty to do so. Our South Dakotan duty.

So plans were made, the time scheduled, the bus routes mapped. We met in downtown Seattle, amid the chaos of rush hour traffic on a dark and rainy late afternoon. It was 4:20. The movie was to start at 4:30.

Navigating the crowds and traffic lights was no small task, but we made it, only to see that we still had four more stories to climb in the posh mall in-order to get to the movie theater. We trudged up the escalator stairs (because I don't trust elevators), climbing higher and higher to startling yet beautiful heights.

Marching steadily and making good time through the rope line, I noticed that the box office sign didn't advertise a 4:30 showing for The Revenant. My alarms went off. "Something is wrong", I told my brother. We both went on high alert and began looking around for a sign to confirm or dismiss our suspension that some bad news was probably creeping right around the corner.

My brother greeted the box office first, "So, is there no 4:30 showing of The Revenant?" he asked the man behind the glass. No, the next showing isn't until 7:00. GAH, had we planned more efficiently we could have caught the 3:45 showing!

Pregnant pause. 

Then my brother motioned to me "Retreat! Retreat!" I got myself out of the rope line without much harm, only a serious feeling of defeat. We should have never trusted that 3rd party online movie schedule.

What to do, what to do... And we had to move fast - this is a long movie and we had to wake up early in the morning. We grabbed a beer at a bar & restaurant that purposelessly gives patrons the feeling of boozing it up in a woodland realm when in fact they are surrounded by expensive clothing, and perfume stores. We pulled out our electronic devices and went over travel and time options.

We decided to catch a 6:40 showing on the other side of town. My bother pointed out a possible route that would be fast and direct.

We could make it - if we moved quickly.

Adventures, folks.

We took a route completely cluttered with people. I'd not seen anything quite like it in the 19 years I've been living here. Thankfully, everyone on the bus wanted to be done with their work/travel, and this route accommodated that wish quite well. Thank you, Seattle Metro, to whoever forged this route.

When we arrived at our new destination I called my Husband to let him know that I was leaving him behind for the evening. Plans had changed and we're now on a new trek to see the film.

By the end, we got into the theater with minutes to spare, and then sat in stupefied (though entertaining) horror the entire time.

Folks, there are countless reviews of this movie so I'm going to let them continue talking about the film's beauty, faults, originality, etc., because I have something else to say (if you're looking for an in-depth movie review, look elsewhere) .

Not only did I find it a rather amazing and well done blood bath, with full-on brutal visuals in every way, I have a few things I'd like to add/clarify - to tie in our personal history with our adventure of just trying to see the film.

I'm going from silly to serious now:

My  family's home is just about an hour and a half away from the site of Hugh Glass's actual bear attack. Considering our family has been finding wily and completely terrifying (when caught off guard) minks hiding on our property, leads to me to believe Glass probably scoped out our land as a business venture (see my earlier statement of Glass hanging out in my backyard). Our family home is in South Dakota - not in the majestic and beautiful mountainous realm the movie portrays.

Real place:

Movie place:

I get it, man, I get it. The first place you think of when you hear 'bear attack' is not in the open plains of South Dakota. I get it. I also get that South Dakota doesn't have the same visual magistracy as the mountains of Montana, Wyoming, or Idaho. I get it.

Also, the attack occurred in late Summer. Anyone who's ever lived in South Dakota knows that if you're crawling around on the ground during a South Dakota winter: you're a dead man in an hour. Bear attack or not. In fact, sadly enough, the South Dakota winters still kill too many people and animals annually - just because South Dakota winters. The actual Hugh Glass conducted his great post-death quest before winter hit.

The tribes mentioned in this movie could create confusion. Based on the visuals, one might think the Arikara nation (known often as "The Ree" in the film) made it all the way to Yellowstone and the Rockies. There is no indication in history of this happening. Also, by the time Glass came through this area the number of the Arikara people (who were primarily farmers) began to plummet to devastating degrees. This had a lot to due with disease (from the trappers) and wars with different Sioux tribes. Additionally the Pawnee people were primarily located far more south of the movie's focus, and were not known to have traveled far into the Dakotas.

In all, I think the film did a fine job of trying to point out the complexities of the tribes in the area at the time, while incorporating the additional moral dilemmas of introducing these fur seeking dudes who will to do what ever it takes to get fur. However, I would encourage you to research the tribes mentioned in this movie and learn more about them - don't rely entirely on what is seen in the film.

I enjoyed this movie a great deal. I still stand by my horror movie affiliation. And yet, I'm taking this particular story a little personal. What I hope comes out of this movie is that this area of South Dakota garners a greater public's appreciation of the time, as well as a better understanding of all the people involved.

Hollywood made a very pretty fantastic film, the story dives deeper than this bear attack, though. And there's a world of people in this community waiting for all that recognition. Dare I say, there is a rather large community here looking for a revenant.

Suggested pairing: Best of luck, vegetarians, just trying to make it through the dinner scenes! Meat, raw meat. Ice cold water that tastes a little like dirt.

I saw this movie in the theater. You should see this movie in the theater. This film requires a big big big screen.