The top ones are -
I Just Need A Gaddamn Moment To Process This: The Sixth Sense, The Others
Crying My Gaddman Eyes Out - Don't Touch Me: The Orphanage, A Tale Of Two Sisters
WHAT IN THE GADDAMN SCARY AMAZING HELL WAS THAT? SOMEONE WALK ME HOME: Dog Soldiers, Brotherhood of the Wolf
*Werewolves get me every time.
Based on the dates of these films, you can probably guess that I haven't had a *raw, visceral reaction* when walking out of the theater, in a while...
That changed when I saw the breathtaking remake of: The Invisible Man.
A quick history why this new The Invisible Man even exists and why I thought it was based on a true story:
Universal made the monumental mistake of trying to connect all the classic horror monsters into a series of re-booted classic creature features - hopping on the tails of comic book franchises. Why this didn't work is for another time, but it didn't work, until now. Until the monsters became their own again and this masterpiece was released - reinventing the horror of *An* Invisible Man.
A few weeks earlier I was sitting at a pub, not thinking about how the Universal Picture's Dark Universe no longer existed, when I saw the trailer for The Invisible Man. My initial thought and, embarrassingly, first words to the unsuspecting person to my left was: "This is based on a true story."
I'm dead now from mortification when I think about it - especially because of the look I got from this stranger - but I legitimately thought the trailer was about a remake of The Entity - a well documented story about a woman who was terrorized and abused by an invisible being.
That story terrifies me, along with the story about the San Pedro haunting. BOTH ARE PISS YOUR PANTS TERRIFYING, and have many similarities.
As I was watching The Invisible Man, I wondered if both these stories actually played a part in the film. Particularly, since all stories take place in California and there is a scene in The Invisible Man that looks *an awful lot like the attic in the notorious San Pedro clip*. The fact that a woman with a history of being abused is terrorized by an invisible man, is aiding in this connection.
In all, there were a good several weeks were I thought this film was not actually a remake of a Universal cult classic, but based on allegedly true story(ies).
And you know what - none of that matters because this is a remarkable film and what makes it terrifying is that it has ties to reality:
REAL LIFE FUCKING PSYCHOS
Hold on to your pants folks, this is a nerve-wrenching film.
It's harrowing because it's so real and battles monsters that live next door - in the next room. The escape from and trying to get people to believe that these types of monsters exist *is* a huge portion of the terror of this film. Tread at your risk, those who have experienced this. It may not be the film for you right now. For me, it's a film where I walked out, heart beating, and I kinda wanted to scream "f*ck you, fight me* at everyone.
In other words: This film will put you through the ringer, if you're not a gaddamn waste-of-space narcissist, anyway. It garners a lot of what makes us uncomfortable but also what makes us a bad ass.
Pairs with an overnight bag and bottles (to drink out of or smash...). Best watched with best friends who would hide a body for you.
I watched this film in the theater, right before Washington State was shut down for COVID-19. I understand that Universal released this film for streaming, in the wake of this crisis.
Be safe and take care of each other, everyone!
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