Martyrs (2008)

I was pretty sure Jolie had already reviewed this one, I can't seem to find it anywhere so I thought I'd just throw my thoughts out there because truthfully, I just watched Martyrs and I desperately need to cleanse my soul of the horrors that it inflicted on me.  This movie has got to be the most terrifying movies I have ever seen.  I has shaken me to my very core.

Doesn't this look fun?

The movie begins like your average movie, with a young girl escaping a torture dungeon, but after that, things start to get a little disturbing.  I won't go into too much detail as to not spoil it for anyone, but let's just say, the funnest part of this movie is when Lucie, the young girl now grown up, breaks into a house and shotguns an entire family to death.  Lucie believes the family were the ones responsible for her imprisonment, and that by killing them, she can rid herself the the creepy, skinny, razor wielding, person-thing that torments her.  She calls her childhood friend, Anna to help her clean up, and things get really messed up from there.

There was parts towards the end where I just wasn't sure if I could finish it.  The reality of the movie was almost too much to bear, and the prospects a incredibly bleak, but I stuck with it, because I guess that's what martyrs do, go through with terrible pain and suffering for the good of mankind.  Hope everyone is happy!

I read that they are planning an American remake, by the producers of Twilight for christsakes, which is actually the most disturbing thing about this whole thing.

The Incubus (1982)

I pulled the latest Maxim magazine out of my bag and my husband said "I don't know what part of this magazine is so compelling that you chose to bring it into our home..." He's right, the only reason this magazine would even make it past the entry hallway is due to some life altering item therein.

I attended a birthday party last night, mentioned that I'm blogging about horror movies, and the birthday girl quickly handed over this magazine. Besides a half naked woman, on the cover was "66 Best Horror Flicks You've Never Seen".

HAHAhA. Bah humbug. I've seen them all, I said to her. To my shock, there were several movies listed that I've never seen. Additionally, I counted only 34 movies in their list. 63 if you count the movies that horror movie directors (Maxim interviewed) liked and were inspired by. Either Maxim has a math problem or we've  fallen pray to an advertising gimmick. My vote is: Math Problem.

Movies on this list that I've seen and highly recommend:

(1) The Innocents: hands down, one of the best ghost stories ever. The movie is from 1961, and is based on a 1898 novella by Henry James titled "The Turn Of The Screw". I read the story after watching the movie. Both are works of art in character development, scenery, and suspense. Either you read the story or watch the movie - know they will be time well spent. Highly recommended.

(2): Dog Soldiers: I do not have enough wonderful things to say about this movie. After watching this film is the only time I've walked out of the theater and was honest-to-god-scared to be by myself. I made my brother walk me to the bus stop and I still was convinced that a werewolf would bust through the window and tear me to shreds. Fantastic film, with a hint of dark humor, and a whole lotta screams.

(3) Black Christmas: I began this film with the attitude that it would be yet another piece of trashy art, and I love trashy, campy art. Especially if it's from 1974. No, this was not heart warming trash, this work was a piece of bone chilling gold. Women in college doing their own thing, having [gasp] their own opinions - apparently the killer in this film did not like it. A thesis could be written about this piece and I've considered doing it.


(4) High Tension, and Martyrs: Why! Why must the French make movies portraying the most screwed up people!?! I recommend keeping plenty of water around when watching these films, you'll want to feel clean. Gore, Gore, Gore. Horrible people doing horrible things in such a clever way. Watch these and I suspect you'll walk away not looking at the world in the same way.

(5) The Pit: Yes. Yes please. More "The Pit" - a  feel good family flick. Not really. This is any family's real life adventure with demons in the backyard if we all grew up with demons in the backyard. Delightful. If you're new to horror movies, start here. If horror movies are old hat and you've not see this movie: What Is Wrong With You? Watch it. Watch it now.

Okay - there be my reviews of Maxim's list. I'll watch their other suggested movies in the not-to-distant future. But now on to today's movie:

The mystery movie that the Rain City Video employee would not let me see the back cover of: The Incubus. Tonight's movie pairing: Beer and Pizza

Update:

The beginning of this film was a fine demonstration on how to not build strong, healthy, stable relationships. As the film continued the feminist in me was laughing uncontrollably - to the point of not breathing. And then the feminist in me died of asphyxiation. There was a great deal of focus on the female reproductive system, an uncomfortable, and Todd Akin-logic amount of focus.

Also, one scene has a reference to the Rocky Horror Picture Show - fans, you are welcome to cry here. I did.

I felt compelled to get a little political on this one because of the comical amount time this movie spent on the reproductive systems of both men and women, which I find parallel today's political environment  Although, I really shouldn't be surprised, considering the title of the movie is The Incubus, it was made in 1982, and perfect timing can be hilarious. If you don't know what an Incubus is then Wikipedia has some entertaining information for you. If you don't know what 1982 is then, well...I just don't know what to say.

Good film to watch with beer, pizza, friends, and plenty of distractions. My husband was a fantastic Mystery Science Theater 3000 contributor to this movie.