Monster Dog (1984)

OH MAN

What do we have here?! Looks like we have Alice Cooper battling some Italian Spanish werewolves that are hiding out in a remote mountain village. Yes, that's right folks. Need I say more? Probably not, but I'm going to anyway.

This movie opens up with a music video and that threw me off a little bit. Especially since the music video was so incredibly painful to watch. But that's okay because it also helped make Monster Dog so fun and wonky! Better yet! The fun and wonky never stopped!

This movie is a classic 1980's B horror film jam packed with everything you love about 1980's B horror films. We have terrible overdubbing, pretty hilarious music and background sounds, a bizarre and over-the-top setting, a thin but entertaining script, and all the classic nonsensical happy-go-lucky characters you could ask for. In addition to all that goodness, we've got a mighty interesting werewolf.

I say interesting because it's actually pretty gross and a little bit scary. I caught myself saying several times:

"Eeeeh gads! WHAT? Kill it with fire!"

The design of this creature is quite original, well done, Monster Dog.

My Husband does not understand nor appreciate these movies, so I try to watch them when he's asleep or away. Unfortunately for him he woke up to Alice Cooper drawing one (only one) INTENSE eyebrow on his forehead just before a werewolf attack .... aaaaannnndddd, wwwwweeelllll.... I couldn't talk him into finishing the film with me (to be fair, that was a strange scene to wake up to). You kind of have to start from the beginning with this one - that and really appreciate 1980's B horror.

This is an absolute must see with a group of  people. Please please please be sure everyone sticks with this one until the werewolf transformation scene at the end. It's....a....something else.

This is a straight up fun film for a fabulous Friday night. In fact, this would be a very entertaining Halloween party movie (if you're planing those sorts of things now... like I am....nothing strange here). Would pair well with super cheap beer or wine in a box. That said, Alice Cooper is a huge advocate for sobriety, so super super tarty lemonade or a hot cup of spicy tea would also work well. Deviled eggs, egg salad, or egg sandwiches cut into triangles (this is important) for a side.

Here's a super fantastic trailer for the film - to get you started!

Enjoy!

Great British Ghosts (Television Show, 2011)

I know I've said it before, but just as a reminder - I am a great big sucker for these paranormal television shows. No matter how good, bad, or ugly, I simply can't get enough of them.

I came across the television series Great British Ghosts this week, and have managed to plow through two seasons Kool-Aid man style.

Although at times a little cheeky, goofy, or odd, this is still a fun show for just about every ghost story fan or history lover.

Filmed documentary style, Michaela Strachan travels throughout England, visiting castles, inns, mansions, etc., interviewing people about their ghostly establishment.

I would like that job. Please.

This simple premise holds a wallop of fun facts, beautiful buildings, scenery, and loads of great ghost stories told campfire style. Although not at all scary, at times it fosters some good chills - primarily when related to gruesome living conditions and death details. Humans can just be the worst sometimes. The. Worst.

I am an avid (...maybe even rabid??) fan of history, old buildings, traveling, and ghost stories. So it's no surprise to me that I just love this little show so much I could hug and squeeze it and call it George.

There are no night-vision scenes, no ghost "hunts", no jump scares or frights. Great British Ghosts is simply an excellent show for the whole family or anyone looking for the perfect blend of spooky history.

Recommended pairing: soda, candy, and popcorn - straight up theater style. Get super comfortable and snuggle in for some really delightful 22 minute episodes.

It Follows (2014)

I finally got around to seeing It Follows! Finally.

And it totally deserves all the positive hype it has received. It's a really great horror movie. Plain and simple. And yet, and yet, it also bugged me. Bugged me to my bones.

But let me go back and focus on the awesome for a moment!

Tapping into the horror veins of the 1960's and '70s (think the love child of Carnival of Souls and Texas Chainsaw Massacre), this incredibly haunting tale will absorb all your attention with little effort and a whole lot of scare. A remarkable feat, in my opinion.

The cinematography is completely stunning. Filmed in the Detroit area, It Follows, sadly, had a ready-made horrific backdrop to an already frightening story. This actually bugged me a little bit. While the story is creeping along, curling your toes, you're given a sweeping view of the devastation left behind by unjust industry. My feelings were torn, is what I'm saying. Where for a moment I was merrily getting creeped out, suddenly I'm sad and angry....

Moving on.

The dialog is great, and the acting is well done and compelling. Although I can't say that I sympathized with any of the characters, I was certainly interested in their goings on. Okay, wait - I'm going back to the bugging again. Although the acting and characters were perfect for the film, I simply didn't like anyone. Did It Follows do this on purpose - create characters that frustrate you? If so, well done! It worked. If not, perhaps it was just me who found everyone irritating... What made them so irritating, you ask? Well, I can't say exactly. Perhaps it was because everyone seemed to have the energy and ambition of a slug (until IT showed up, of course). Or perhaps it's because everyone was way too teenagery. Way too teenagery. But, again, it worked for the film, worked really damn well.

Moving on.

The story and plot: Fresh. New. Original. Dare I say, Primeval. And yet, and yet. I think this is what bugged me the most. This is a story about STDs. Sure, although it creates a totally new type of horror story, it certainly is not new in the real world. Especially in the impoverished Detroit area! For crying out loud...

I grew up in a small Midwest town. As a teen, sex, pregnancies and STDs were taboo talk (and yet occurred, a lot). This still irks me because it's still happening. Stupid abstinence-only teachings, limited access to reproductive care, talk, education... bunch of crap... [continues to mumble angrily for a while]

Although this movie doesn't abhor sex, it certainly makes the consequences frightening - I love that as a horror movie, I hate it as a reality. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why this movie bugged me.

This is a great horror movie, and one I'm adding to the Horror Habit Favorites list. It's certainly not one that I'll be forgetting anytime soon, that's for sure.

Suggested pairing: have a bunch of your teenage friends over for a party! No, I'm kidding. Instead, make your place as dark, stark, sad, and depressing as possible. Ready yourself for a soundtrack that will shiver your timbers. Have a measly bowl of stale popcorn at your side. Leave one lamp on and cover your couch with old quilts and afghans. Keep one bottle of wine or some Surge soda handy, sip slowly.

Dead Crossroads (Television Show, 2012)

 I Love Love Love Love Love THIIIISSSS!

I never turn down a ghost story show, soooooooo I've seen some pretty great ones and I've seen pretty awful ones. 

I was absolutely blown away by Dead Crossroads. 

In fact, I straight up can't even handle right now. Can. Not. Even. Handle.

• The background music: Simply marvelous - it's beautiful, totally haunting, and just perfect for mood setting.
• The settings and scenery: FANTASTIC. I mean, seriously, how can you not love gorgeous decaying French chateaus. 
• The investigators: Urban Explorers! Be still my beating heart! 
• The stories: Some of the best bone-chilling AND heartbreaking tales I have ever heard.
• The episodes themselves: 15 stunning minutes of sinister intrigue. 
• Fun Fact: This is the first French ghost show. Ever.

Negative Nancy's might view this little darling as just two dudes walking around with a camera.

Fans of history, legends, urban exploration, photography, ghost stories, architecture, and documentaries will most likely see this show as a startling yet heartfelt look into some of France's incredible (and forgotten..........?) dark history............

A word I've seen thrown around quite a bit in relation to this show is: Innovative. I couldn't agree more. I consider myself a ghost story aficionado and I've never seen anything quite like this. Never.

That all said, I think it's important to add that I have a loving beef with French horror. It Messes With Your Head, Man! I have yet to see a French horror film or short story doesn't try to scramble your brain into a tasty little breakfast burrito. It's just how they roll.

DAMN YOU FRENCH HORROR

I'm not even joking with you, folks. If you haven't spent quality time with French horror films then you have no idea what I'm talking about and my powers are useless. If you have and understand what I'm talking about, then, well, good for you. I guess that's all I have to say about that... French horror, it's something else.

But back to the show! Okay, yes, Dead Crossroads is about two dudes walking around with a camera, but it's also so much more. And true, this is a Ghost Story series, but the ghosts aren't always the scariest element. There, now I've given you something more to think about.

This show is also not a night vision ghost hunt riddled with censor beeps. Instead, the narrator takes you on a historical tour of the buildings while the explorers simply show you around. GENIUS

On top of it all, the episodes are only 15 minutes long. Long enough to get you hooked, short enough to make you wail for more. I'm still wailing.

In all: Extremely well done, Fabien Delage and Julien Mazzitelli. You've created a terrifying masterpiece of art and story telling. Please please please keep it up!

Recommended pairing: take hold what ever old object you hold dear and then shatter it to pieces. OR sit on the edge of your seat and simply prepare for an awesome mind and eye adventure. Popcorn and snacks are a must. Large group, small group - it don't matter, so long as everyone is tuned in fully. Best watched late at night right before you go to bed.

We Are What We Are (2013)

One year ago on this day I was ridiculously hungry for some pulled pork tacos.

I remember this obscure fact because it was exactly a year ago that I watched We Are What We Are while prepping the kitchen to make some pulled pork tacos.

Halfway through the film I was no longer hungry for pulled pork tacos. Instead I drafted a review of the film, ate some veggies, and just let it sit in the draft folder for a year. And you know what, now that I think about it, I haven't made pulled pork tacos since....

Pulled pork tacos is not the meal you should be thinking about eating when watching this dark beauty. I repeat: no to the pulled pork tacos. A year later this story and images still haunt my memory.

This film is a beautiful creeptastic tale of really horrible family traditions. It also creeps in every sense of the way. The cold hard lighting and scenery, the frightening father, the dark drippy grossness, and the ever-present and over powerful sense of foreboding, yup, this one creeps right into your bones and tenderizes the flesh.

We Are What We Are shares the qualities of a psychological thriller, psychopathic bloodbath, a dark after school special on ABC, and a clumsy underdog show. To my surprise and  horror all of these qualities managed to blend very well. So well, in fact, that by the end a whole new level of monster was created.

Well done, We Are What We Are - you are most certainly just that, a unique horror drama that leaves a long lasting creep in the bones.

Recommended pairings: Eat meat if you dare! Any and all of it! The rarer the better. Watch with staunch vegetarians on a dark, cold night. No blankets or pillows. This movie will require your full attention so it would be best watched alone or in a small, quiet group (preferably an obedient and well behaved group that you can yell at if they speak out of turn or voice an opinion).

In Fear (2013)

My Husband and I recently returned from a road trip to see my family in South Dakota. 3000 miles, 10 days, 6 nieces and nephews, 5 siblings, and a father and his girlfriend who graciously let us destroy the family home with love and chaos - it's always an awesome annual adventure.

As great as these trips are, they also come with a slew of unique stresses. The car rental, securing the home and pets while away, work absences, the road conditions, the weather conditions, the places to eat and stay, the unfamiliar locals, the lack of phone or internet service, and the simple act of driving that long and that far - especially when you normally don't drive at all (such as the case with us).

This year's trip went relatively smoothly, minus the flat tire in the Montana Rockies, the intense thunderstorm that made sleeping in the family camper impossible, and the visibility issues due to wild fires.

We stayed several nights in unfamiliar and very small towns in Montana. After 8-9 hours of driving each day, we welcomed our quirky, family owned hotel rooms with a sigh of relief and then quickly downed a couple pints of local brews at the bar down the street. And I tell you what, sometimes a beer never tastes better than at that time. Especially when those drinks are bought for you by the locals just because (which happened in every town we stayed at, no joke. It was awesome).

Everywhere we went we were greeted with kindness, great hospitality, and when our tire went flat we were promptly taken care of by the local repair man who had no problem smoking a cigarette next to the gas pumps.

Although our road was long and fraught with peril, everything turned out great in the end and we walked away with a lot of great stories to laugh about later.

So, naturally, when I got home I had to watch a movie about the dangers of road tripping.

In Fear is a menacing little British film that does not start out like your typical road trip story - you know, like the happy-go-lucky and barely clothed teens poking fun at each other as they merrily cruise down the road to their impending doom.

Instead, the movie immediately starts off as weird, uncomfortable, and a pretty bad idea. A young couple meet at a bar and a few weeks later decide to road trip to another country. Harmless enough maybe, but it's made pretty clear that the women in this here situation is not entirely comfortable with the plan or the destination. Always. Listen. To. Your. Gut.

Anywhooos...

Their little excursion quickly turned into a nightmare of epic and unreal proportions and all because of crazy people at a bar. We saw crazy people while on our trips to the local taverns but thankfully they were relatively harmless and were simply insistent on showing us pictures of their pets.

In Fear creeps along with remarkable speed and yet also manages to frustrate you along side this unfortunate young couple. As the tensions rise inside the car you can almost feel the tension of fear building outside, as their worst nightmares follow their every move.

This is a clean, sharp, crisp, and highly efficient horror show. With an extremely small cast, excellent use of the scenery and setting, and a whip-smart dialog, I highly suggest In Fear to those who love psychological horror films. Note: the ending is a beast worthy of discussion, so I suggest watching this with a small group of friends. This movie will need your full attention.

Two very important lessons that you can take away from In Fear and continue to take with you on every future trip:

#1: Always follow your gut
#2: Always carry a physical map

Recommended pairings:

Clutter you immediate area with takeout containers, travel guides, and other touristy junk. Keep a bottle of whiskey hidden in the couch seat.