Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Black Christmas (2019)

Okay, I'm going to just give everyone fair warning right off the bat:

I've been in COVID-19 quarantine for a month, friends and family - everyone - are loosing jobs, lives, and living on the precipice, I'm *this close* to throwing things out the window whenever I see/hear president 45 breathe, and the stupidity on social media is giving me a tick that may have possible long term damage.

I also just downed a handful of IPA beers on an empty stomach and ready to cut a b*tch.

LET'S DO THIS!



This movie wasn't even on my radar until, oh, two days ago. I think I may have heard it was created but probably thought it was from a dream - it was that much of a whisper in my orbit.

When my brother suggesting watching it we both approached the idea with an "Eh, could be interesting. Let's see" and nothing more than that. 

Started it up, noticed it was a Blumhouse production (we both mumbled something like, "oh yeah, they are putting out some good, interesting stuff...), saw the acting was well done, it's engaging, we're getting into it - and then one of the characters stated her menstrual cup was missing and I was: "Oh hell YEAH!"  I sat up a little more and thought: Damn girl, we don't talk about periods and the environmental, financial, and physical benefits of certain hygiene products in horror films. I'm listening....

It was about that time that I remembered a quote from a Blumhouse book I had just finished (The Blumhouse Book of Nightmares - find me on Goodreads for more, bookworms): "Whenever I am meeting with a new filmmaker, I always say the same thing: 'I can't promise you a hit movie, but I can promise you that it will be your movie.'" - Jason Blum

As an artist, this spoke clearly and inspirationally to me. As someone who was perusing the user reviews for this film on IMDB, this spoke mountains. Mountains of opinions. Mountains of tone-deaf, flat, and cheap opinions. 

Look, I also initially questioned why this film was called Black Christmas (as a remake of the classic). I questioned because it stands on it's own and I dare say that if it was called anything else (but still retained the Easter egg tributes), it would have received a different reception.

Die hard fans of the original were unsurprisingly *shocked*. I don't usually use this term, but based on the reviews I'm going to call them pearl clutchers - flabbergasted at this version versus the original. Some holy ground was broken. 

Good.

This film took a Leonardo painting and had a Picasso make their own version.

I don't know if it's the world we're in right now or if I've officially reached an age where I'm really connecting with tales of angry old women saying 'f*ck you all' and going off to live in the woods, but I think I really needed to see some ladies on TV shoving pads down their pants, wearing little Santa suites while calling out rapists, smashing and bashing all manner of threats with all their might, and overall making everyone UNCOMFORTABLE.

This film makes people uncomfortable

Good.

Regardless of how that uncomfortable sense resonates - this film provides many options - over the last couple of days I've become very comfortable with how uncomfortable it is, and I'm perfectly fine if it makes anyone uncomfortable for a much longer time. Saturate and come out a learning something about yourself - you know - like art is suppose to do.

This film isn't my favorite but gaddam I respect it.

My brother and I talked throughout the film and I added at points that yes, good girl friends snuggle, laugh at our own breasts, bathe naked with each other, and have some record-breaking filthy mouths. He asked for examples on the talk, so I provided him with my favorite - a compliment to friends but an insult to strangers - especially when we're all in really deep, drunken gossip: 

"Shut your whore mouth!"

So hey, (2019) IMDB reviewers of this film: shut your whore mouth.

This film is rented from Scarecrow video (a brick and mortar store) - they are testing out an option to mail movies during this COVID b*llshit and we're doing our part to try and keep them in business. Or use the Find It Watch It links on Horror Habit's sidebar to locate where else you can you find this movie version of a friend you're not sure if you can bring to certain parties. 

Stay safe, be well, take care of you. 


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