The Lair (2022)

October Challenge Day 6

I'm a sucker for military horror films. Or even military-esk horror films (e.g. John Carpenter's The Thing, etc).

Now, Dog Soldiers is - hand's down - one of my favorites and probably kick-started my love of this horror story style. I've tried understanding why but I'm guessing I just really like the fast-paced action, the witty banter right before something terrible happens, and the teamwork-oriented kickassery. 

Could be that or perhaps it's just me coming from three generations of military families and I'm just trying to get through some generational trauma. Either way! Military horror films are some of my favorites. 

So when I saw a trailer for this film, I was all "...hell yeah. Doesn't even look great but now I have to see it". Let's check out:

The Lair

Yeah, this one starts off strong with a military plane being shot down and some big tiddies. And that's when I knew exactly where this film was going. So, with an unsurprising sigh, I cracked open a beer and waited for the monsters to arrive. 

This film follows some troops in Afghanistan who stumble upon a Soviet bunker that is filled with evil scientific, and forgotten experiments.... Uh Oh!

Yes, this film is exciting, visually, fast-paced, filled with quite the cast of characters, and loaded with epic fight and kill scenes. The dialogue though is lacking... but in a fun way, if you're prepared for it. The monsters on the other hand are Excellent! Super stellar fun monsters!

Overall, rather ridiculous but fun if you're looking for a fling-style movie night. Best watched in a bunker, or a living room blanket fort will also work well. Keep lights low and load up on comfy, cozy, blankets and pillows. Pairs with chicken nugget dinners (or chicken curry), beer, seltzers, or another drink that no one else really likes or understands but brings you joy. 

I watched this film on Shudder or use the Find It! Watch It! links on Horror Habit's side bar to see where else you can find this military monster feature. 

Misbegotten (1997)

October Challenge Day 5

I can't even with this one. I can't!  Hahahaha! It just touches on so many ... things. Let's take a look at:

Misbegotten

This poster image! LOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Let's see what we can do here ... um. This film is about a serial killer who is OBSESSED with getting a woman pregnant. When his seed accidentally ends up in a fertility clinic, and a loving couple discovers they are pregnant thanks to the clinic's science, he becomes deadly obsessed with them. 

[drags palms down the face]

There's a lot going on here, folks.

Okay, first of all, as I do with all October Challenge films, I walked in blind to this movie, I'm just randomly selecting films, and I had no idea what this film was really about when I started it. Let me tell you. Let Me Tell You! The ick I had - the full body skin-crawl ick I experienced by this killer's obsession with inseminating a women - reached new heights.

Also, this is not really a great movie. It's pretty ... bad ... but it's also so off the charts with the plot that I was completely invested, much to my turning stomachs' suffering. 

Now, I also never had children. Never will want children - thank god my eggs are dying at rapid speed and I'm in the heart of perimenopause, of which I'm welcoming with open arms - because the idea of pregnancy already turns my stomach. [belch] Thank you to all the parents out there carrying on the human race! Lord's work, I imagine. 

I share all this because maybe that is why this mediocre at best film somewhat traumatized me? It got me thinking and came to some horrified theories: How often does this happen, really? Meaning, how many men out there are so frustrated at being unable to reproduce (reproduce vs. intercourse, specifically), they turn violent, psychotic? Is that part of the mania, the need for control AND reproducing? 

My brain just went down all sorts of rabbit holes and I started thinking about 28 Days Later  - the sexual slavery in that film very nearly made me throw up. I have panic attacks when I try to watch The Handmaid's Tale. I just gave up. I can't do. It's defeated me. 

Folks, I watch and listen to A Lot of true crime and it absolutely astounds me the level of stupid, violent sh*t men, in particular, do when they don't get their way. Also, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

In all, this film is a little nuts (this is one of my better puns - particularly when you see the ending of this film). It can't quite be rated. It's an experience. It's also unintentionally hilarious in many ways. It embodies the '90s low budget schlock while also being completely unhinged. 

Best watched with alone? I don't know. This one's hard. You might also need someone else there to validate what you're both seeing. Pairs with pepto bismol.

I rented this film from Scarecrow Video or use the Find It! Watch It! links on Horror Habit's side bar to see where else you might find this tummy turner. 

The Alien Factor (1978)

October Challenge Day 4

I knew I was getting myself into some cheesy schlock with this one but I had now idea how much! Let's take a look at the beautiful mess that is:

The Alien Factor

And what a beautiful, hilarious mess this one is! 

Right off the bat, an alien ship crashes and two young lovers, just hanging out in the woods, are victims of the creatures that emerge from this craft. 

It just gets wildly off the charts and more charmingly bizarre from there. 

Folks, I could not stop laughing at a brief scene, also towards the beginning, where two dudes were walking. Just two dudes walking down the street - but with the music, the angle, the lighting - everything, it just sent me over the edge in hysterics. As with nearly all beloved trash films, it's so hard to really explain why they are so entertaining when they are such poorly made films. I think it's the earnestness. 

The way the characters and story so earnestly tries to convey a very serious issue, in the film, but it all ends up looking like your incredibly awkward best friend trying out a talent for the first time, and you just can't keep it together. I mean, you're rooting for them the whole time but still. 

I love awkward films so much. I love my awkward friends so much. 

This story then unveils a stranger coming into town, because of course, and he says he can help fix the murder situation the small town is experiencing from 'strange creatures'. The sheriff though, is all "This man is sus". 

In comes the monster aliens! Oh lord help me! When I say I was speechless when I saw these monsters, I'm not joking. I was wheeze laughing. If these alien costumes are not already in some sort of collector's home, or have been turned into miniature collector items, etc, then I don't know what. Then we fail as horror schlock nerds, I guess. 

In all, this is a FANTASTIC pick for a fun-loving horror movie night with folks. Just gather together and experience these aliens as a fond, shared memory. 

Best watched in a cozy home - full of food, fun, blankets, pillows, and laughter. Pairs with absolutely anything. A lot of cheese is a must. 

I watched this film on Tubi or use the Find It! Watch It! links on Horror Habit's side bar to see where else you can find this ABSOLUTE GEM of a creature feature. 

A Ghost Story (2017)

October Challenge Day 3

Now, I knew - I KNEW - as soon as I saw this poster image I was going to dislike it a lot at first and then it will probably grow on me. I don't know why I have these discernment skills but it never fails. 

Never. Fails.

Spot on as usual. Let's talk about the haunting tale:

A Ghost Story

While the title is totally uninspiring, it is totally accurate. It's painfully accurate and I can't think of any other title for this particular film. 

Here we have the story about a man who dies suddenly in a car accident and then, as a sheet-draped ghost, returns home and watches his wife. 

As expected, this film, particularly in the first part, is intending to deeply convey grief, heartbreak, and moving on but from the ghost's perspective. While I absolutely understood what was being portrayed and why it was portrayed in this particular manner, I just fast forwarded through some parts. 

As a widow, there were scenes that deeply upset - downright irritated me. Particularly a scene involving a pie and sitting in the kitchen. It's not that I was triggered by anything in particular, but it was the pretentiousness of it all. Just made me a little mad. Should probably talk to my counselor about that ....

Now! That said! I was blissfully delighted by the latter half of the film. *That* was worth the viewing. It went from being an irritating art house feature (which I don't mind at all! I actually like irritating art house features), to a deep and heart-felt look into the perspective of this ghost as he transports between time and energy. 

Didn't see that coming, and that that's when this film really warmed on me. I think I even said "well done ..." out loud. 

Absolutely not a film for everyone. It gets heady, stays pretentious at times, and requires your attention and empathy. Might need some sort of palate cleanser after watching this one though, heads up. Something cheeky and light. 

Pairs with f*cking pie. Best watched alone or in a small group who likes to discuss existential topics and the heartbreak of transformation. 

I watched this film on Paramount+ or use the Find It! Watch It! links on Horror Habit's side bar to see where else you can find this mind-messing feature. 

Tell Me A Creepy Story (2023)

October Challenge Day 2

Starting the month off strong with a tasty little anthology! Here we have a collection of four short horror films, all with the goal of giving the chills. Let's take a look at:

Tell Me A Creepy Story

Ask and you shall receive!

This is a very solid collection of the macabre. Some are better than others, in my opinion, but they all certainly tell an unnerving tale well. What I noticed most was how tangible, palpable, grainy, and disgusting the entire feel of these stories reflected. 

Folks, it's gross! Not like blood and gore gross - but like sticky, filthy, and just overall stank gross. These tales feel like I should smell them! The stories simply reek of straight up nasty and gag worthy ick.

While I really, really enjoyed the first two shorts, the last two were alright. But I enjoyed them all together and somehow, I think that's what really makes this collection. 

The stories include a mother who cannot bond with her child (and for good reason), a really stupid farmer, a sad girl dealing with grief and paranoia, and a swindling religious man who knocked on the wrong door. Note! I had to rewind this film a few times because I wasn't paying attention and all of these stories require your full attention. 

Maybe not a great film for a causal movie night with friends - probably better suited for a cold, dark night in, alone or with one other person. Best watched in a poorly lit room that has peeling wall paper and a sink dripping somewhere. Pairs with the worst, most disgusting looking TV dinner you can think of and a glass of discolored water. 

I watched this film on Tubi or use the Find It! Watch It! links on Horror Habit's side bar to see where else you can find this skin crawler.