Apartment 1303 (2011)

Oh man, you guys. Okay [drags hand palms slowly down face], this is not going to be good...

Let me preface this review with: I watched this movie on a plane. I downloaded it onto my Kindle and watched it. Just going to place that there for a moment and continue...

Now. I don't like traveling by plane. I become a grump-grumperstein when I travel by plane. Everything is terrible and nothing can make me happy - expect distraction and booze. That's how I travel by plane.

Enter: Apartment 1303 and [ugggh] $8.00 can of beer.

First of all, the casting was terrible. I don't do this often but: SPOILER ALERT: I was relieved when the younger sister character died. Relieved, people. Rarely do I feel that way, but I was just about to demand that booze cart roll down the isle one more time until I saw she was not going to make it to the second act.

Now, the other main characters I enjoyed. I like Mischa Barton and Rebecca De Mornay, a lot! These two ladies kept me hanging in there until the booze came.

Mischa Barton did the best she could with the airline baggy dialog she was given, but despite all of her skill as an actress, in the end she was really just standing on screen holding a bag of vomit. I'm sorry Barton, this was not your fault. I felt you were placed in the middle seat of the middle isle on this one.

On the other hand, Rebecca De Mornay - for anyone who's life has been affected by a drunken parent, she NAILED IT. She was the scariest, most chilling character in the whole film! No joke, people, this was very scary because either the writer, director, or actor knew this real-life horror situation to a T. Hugs to all involved in the making of this character. I'm not sure if it was intended, but bravo. Very Scary.

Otherwise, the rest of the film was a disappointment...

This was both a great and not great movie to watch on a plane because the movie was such a terrible waste of time and yet, it was the best thing ever to get me through major mid-flight turbulence. I'm serious, the turbulence on this flight was awful, yet I had this more awful film to focus on. It got me thought without running down the isle screaming "We're All Going To Die!" Apartment 1303 kept my anger and fear engaged enough to not flip-out on everyone.

SO! Apartment 1303 wins and fails for me. As a movie it fails, as something that keeps you from believing you are about to die at 35,000 ft, it wins.

Suggested pairing: $8.00 can of beer, trail mix, a screaming child, and sit somewhere uncomfortable. Prepared to be disappointed in a unexpected additional cost way.