Saturday, April 27, 2013

Dark Harvest 2 The Maize: The Movie (2004)

Never in my life had I been more aware that I had wasted my time on this earth than when I watched this movie. Within five seconds, you painfully realize that you are living a mistake by seeing this thing. Here's the plot:

A man named Shy Walker (whyyyyy?) with psychic powers (oh no) looks for his two daughters in a corn maze (use your powers, idiot).

That's it.

The two hours are filled with him saying "Girls?" over and over, scenes of corn, scenes of mud, sound effects of beasts that never show up, and a five minute scene of one of the lost girls screaming into the camera. Watch the screaming scene and try to keep your sanity, I dare you. I beg you. Please, I don't want to be the only person in this world that has endured that horror. And at one point in time, the camera zooms in to a bag of apples. At another time, you can hear someone say "Get off my property!" I think it was real, not part of the movie.

There is no scarecrow, there is no murder, there is no suspense. The only thing this film offers is corn and pain. If you want to watch a movie with scenes of corn and a man saying "Girls?" over and over, then boy have I got news for you. This is that movie. But beware, the sound quality is agonizingly bad.

I am dead inside from this movie.

Next movie: Dark Harvest 3: Skarecrow


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