Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Relic (1997)

You know what sucks? Your luggage getting lost at the airport.

You know what sucks more? Getting your ancient, evil, and suspiciously obtained tribal statue lost in a South American shady ship port. Count your blessings, whiners.

So, I was going to clean out my entry hallway closet tonight but decided to watch The Relic instead.

This 1997 creature feature starts in South America and ends in a Chicago natural history museum, as you do. When the ship arrived in the Chicago port, near the beginning of the film, I started thinking about what route this massive cargo ship would have taken to make it from Brazil to Chicago. I went so far as to pull out maps. I was examining them so much that I missed a good portion of the movie - and I still wasn't sure what route this ship would have taken.

By the time I tossed the maps aside things were happening in the film and they weren't really making much sense. Such as: I thought the relic was left in Brazil - apparently it made it on the ship (and to Chicago) somehow.

In any case, I tried to catch up without rewinding the film but just fell asleep on the couch instead.

Nearly a week later...

I put on the film again but grew a little bored, so I finally cleaned that closet and made homemade bread. When I looked up from my activities I did notice the monster looked rather impressive, pretty gross and a little scary.

There you go folks.

The Relic. I movie I tried to watch but wound up reviewing maps, going to sleep, letting life happen for about a week, cleaning the closet, and making bread instead.

Perhaps if the story line explained what route this cargo ship took from South America to Chicago, it wouldn't be getting this review. Then again...


  1. Magic portal rivers! That's how it got there. :)