Monday, September 1, 2014

Blood Glacier (2013)

This movie was my Husband's idea! Seriously.

There we were with pizza, ginger beer, and a lovely Sunday night on our hands and he surprises me with: "Let's watch Blood Glacier."

I had no idea what to expect and in my excitement I didn't bother to research the film first....

For reasons that I can only assume are financially based, this Austrian film was over-dubbed rather than provided simple subtitles. This is always a mistake. Over-dubbed films always either takeaway from the film or add a side-splitting hilarious element that was not intended. The latter is the case for Blood Glacier.

Also, I'm pretty sure one guy played the voice of nearly every character in this film...

In any case, I would have much preferred to watch the original version but since Netflix didn't let me, we watched the over-dubbed version and laughed our way through the painful parts. For instance, this comment happened during an intense moment in the film: "Stop eating that banana while you're crying!"

.....What the Hell Does That Mean?!?!

This movie attempts to bridge the fear of climate change with the horrific consequences of climate change, to an anticlimactic and slightly hilarious result. Thing is, this movie was a noble attempt, and I really liked the idea. I'm sad to say that I found most of the movie pretty funny.

The character development was confusing. For instance, a doctor gave a man with serious alcohol issues, a bottle of morphine to chill out. Um. 

A dog got sick and they were going to put it down with a shot gun, while it was laying in the bed of the human sleeping quarters. Um...

People wandered off and did things for no apparent reason - at this point I just stopped paying attention to what people were doing and instead laughed at what they said. 

Now, this film is not all lost! The monsters were pretty awesome. Pretty down-right Awesome! Think Evil Dead demon deer, meets Twilight Zone The Movie rabbit, meets Alien. Yeah, these creatures were pretty excellent, pretty scary, pretty good - excellent. But that was about it. 

And then the movie ended and I was like, Well...

And there you have it! Moral of this movie: be [bleeeeeep] kind to to the planet and Don't Eat Bananas While Crying!

Recommended pairing: Left overs eaten on recyclable plates.