Blood Glacier (2013)

This movie was my Husband's idea! Seriously.

There we were with pizza, ginger beer, and a lovely Sunday night on our hands and he surprises me with: "Let's watch Blood Glacier."

I had no idea what to expect and in my excitement I didn't bother to research the film first....

For reasons that I can only assume are financially based, this Austrian film was over-dubbed rather than provided simple subtitles. This is always a mistake. Over-dubbed films always either takeaway from the film or add a side-splitting hilarious element that was not intended. The latter is the case for Blood Glacier.

Also, I'm pretty sure one guy played the voice of nearly every character in this film...

In any case, I would have much preferred to watch the original version but since Netflix didn't let me, we watched the over-dubbed version and laughed our way through the painful parts. For instance, this comment happened during an intense moment in the film: "Stop eating that banana while you're crying!"

.....What the Hell Does That Mean?!?!

This movie attempts to bridge the fear of climate change with the horrific consequences of climate change, to an anticlimactic and slightly hilarious result. Thing is, this movie was a noble attempt, and I really liked the idea. I'm sad to say that I found most of the movie pretty funny.

The character development was confusing. For instance, a doctor gave a man with serious alcohol issues, a bottle of morphine to chill out. Um. 

A dog got sick and they were going to put it down with a shot gun, while it was laying in the bed of the human sleeping quarters. Um...

People wandered off and did things for no apparent reason - at this point I just stopped paying attention to what people were doing and instead laughed at what they said. 

Now, this film is not all lost! The monsters were pretty awesome. Pretty down-right Awesome! Think Evil Dead demon deer, meets Twilight Zone The Movie rabbit, meets Alien. Yeah, these creatures were pretty excellent, pretty scary, pretty good - excellent. But that was about it. 

And then the movie ended and I was like, Well...

And there you have it! Moral of this movie: be [bleeeeeep] kind to to the planet and Don't Eat Bananas While Crying!

Recommended pairing: Left overs eaten on recyclable plates.

To Get You In The Mood

Folks!

Only one month away until my annual October Challenge! This will be the third anniversary of this event and I am so super excited. As in the previous two years, I will be watching a horror movie every day in the month of October.

However, this year I will be taking one day off, October 16th, as a birthday present to my non-horror movie fan Husband. That doesn't mean I won't have a post that day however, I've got plenty of Drafts in this here blog to last me a while.

Most of my movies will be obtained through my local movie store: Rain City Video, because I love this place, you should patronize your local small businesses AND I'm trying to watch every horror movie on their shelves. This is fun for everyone.

To get you all in the mood for this major event, I've supplied a very super scary on multiple levels GIF. You're welcome!



Happy Fall!

Apartment 1303 (2011)

Oh man, you guys. Okay [drags hand palms slowly down face], this is not going to be good...

Let me preface this review with: I watched this movie on a plane. I downloaded it onto my Kindle and watched it. Just going to place that there for a moment and continue...

Now. I don't like traveling by plane. I become a grump-grumperstein when I travel by plane. Everything is terrible and nothing can make me happy - expect distraction and booze. That's how I travel by plane.

Enter: Apartment 1303 and [ugggh] $8.00 can of beer.

First of all, the casting was terrible. I don't do this often but: SPOILER ALERT: I was relieved when the younger sister character died. Relieved, people. Rarely do I feel that way, but I was just about to demand that booze cart roll down the isle one more time until I saw she was not going to make it to the second act.

Now, the other main characters I enjoyed. I like Mischa Barton and Rebecca De Mornay, a lot! These two ladies kept me hanging in there until the booze came.

Mischa Barton did the best she could with the airline baggy dialog she was given, but despite all of her skill as an actress, in the end she was really just standing on screen holding a bag of vomit. I'm sorry Barton, this was not your fault. I felt you were placed in the middle seat of the middle isle on this one.

On the other hand, Rebecca De Mornay - for anyone who's life has been affected by a drunken parent, she NAILED IT. She was the scariest, most chilling character in the whole film! No joke, people, this was very scary because either the writer, director, or actor knew this real-life horror situation to a T. Hugs to all involved in the making of this character. I'm not sure if it was intended, but bravo. Very Scary.

Otherwise, the rest of the film was a disappointment...

This was both a great and not great movie to watch on a plane because the movie was such a terrible waste of time and yet, it was the best thing ever to get me through major mid-flight turbulence. I'm serious, the turbulence on this flight was awful, yet I had this more awful film to focus on. It got me thought without running down the isle screaming "We're All Going To Die!" Apartment 1303 kept my anger and fear engaged enough to not flip-out on everyone.

SO! Apartment 1303 wins and fails for me. As a movie it fails, as something that keeps you from believing you are about to die at 35,000 ft, it wins.

Suggested pairing: $8.00 can of beer, trail mix, a screaming child, and sit somewhere uncomfortable. Prepared to be disappointed in a unexpected additional cost way.

Godzilla Pizza

Folks, I found this awesome on Twitter yesterday.

GODZILLA Pizza with Atomic Bacon Breath pic.twitter.com/YAxhWwdMEd
— Ghoulia Childs (@GhouliaChilds) August 15, 2014

And now, somehow, the world is more complete. Thank you Ghoulia Childs. Thank you.

Dead Of Winter (1987)

Folks, not only do I write about horror movies but I'm also a professional artist and a published author. It's fun but none of these things pay well.

That's okay though, really, because I am also a business owner and I work for the federal government. It's fun but none of these things pay well.

No seriously, and my husband is a professional artist and opening his own musical instrument business. It's fun but none of these things pay well.

*Seriously* if you work in the creativity or public service world, you're likely going to be watching your pennies as closely as a cat watches that portable laser beam you throw all willy nilly across the living room floor.

But it's okay though - because I also love a good adventure! Adventure in this land could either be: "I'm totally going to sew this shirt sleeve back on my summer clothes because I got an interview tomorrow" to "I met this couple at the farmers market who said they would pay $8000.00 for one of my paintings".

Which brings me to today's movie review of Dead of Winter.

I stumbled upon this little '80s gem while taking a break from preparing for a joint art show with my Husband. The movie premise: actress desperate for work auditions for the ultimate role - Her Life!

At first I wasn't sure what to expect from this one, but I was quickly immersed and impressed. Thing is, I wouldn't totally call this one horror. I would call this one hell of a bad break for the actress! All kidding aside, I really wouldn't call it "Horror" but more"Thriller/Suspense". There are horror elements though. Think: The Godfather's Dead Horse scene, or if you are in fact a struggling artist. Also, the clever writing, sharp twists and turns, very good acting, and haunting scenery will keep you entertained through the duration of the movie.

For the comedian in you, there is plenty of 1980's clothing.

....Ug.... who let the 1980's style happen? I despised the '80s clothing/architecture/furniture during  the '80s....To top it off, some geniuses (American Apparel for one) tried to bring it back! NEVER AGAIN PEOPLE. Just Stop. Seriously. Stop it.

Back to the movie.

I enjoyed the movie. It's an excellent one to curl up to on a dark, stormy night or right before you have that vague audition with that sketchy company tomorrow.

Recommended pairing: champagne, or wine, or bourbon, or all of the above (which ever one you tend to break a leg to), Ramon noddles, or whatever you have left in the fridge until payday.