Despite the moody, gloomy, dark looking day it's been (I love it - especially when the sky, the water and the sidewalks are all the same color gray), it's been a pretty exciting!
First I spent 4 hours in a work shop learning all about my retirement options. Okay, so that wasn't particularly exciting - informative - not exciting. Except the part when they said I could retire with full benefits in only 30 years. Over half way there! Bright side! [makes a long deep sigh with a sad smile on, looks away to pick at some random lint]
Later in the day...
I was informed that I'm one of the newest members of the Horror Bloggers Guild! Yay! Thanks guys!
Later in the day ....
I called my Mom to wish her a happy birthday. She's right up the street from me so I asked her what she'd like to do after work - dinner? She was having none of it. She said she'd rather curl up to her favorite books and hide from the cold, dark, dampness of the day. "Excellent plan, Mom!"
Fun Fact:
We're actually hobbits....
Now it is the evening - movie watching time. What to watch, what to watch. Then I saw it, a rental I had forgotten about...purposely
But should I do it - should I watch this movie On My Mother's Birthday?!!
Folks, we all know the answer to this. Yes.
Inside is a super gruesome French horror film about a psycho lady who is hellbent on obtaining another woman's child, a child still in the womb. Sometimes I blame myself for the reason we can't have nice things.
If watching a film like this - on my Mother's birthday - isn't bad enough, it's also a French horror film. French Horror is some of the most disturbing stuff I have ever come across. It takes no prisoners and absolutely doesn't give a fat fart if you kindasortawanta die afterwards. Its been called: New French Extremity horror, and it's nothing to mess with.
In all honesty, I will be surprised if I make it through the entire film. It's quite possible I'll start loosing my mind 30 minutes in and then by 45 minutes I'll be pacing the room, pounding the sides of my head, and talking rapidly to myself about bunnies and unicorns that live in the toilet (note, if you are familiar with extreme French horror, everything I just said there will make total sense).
So there you go. I'm going to get this movie started in about 15 minutes. If I don't return by sunrise then please contact the local hospitals.
See you after the show!
Oh, and Hi Mom! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! [waves maniacally at Mom who is sitting on the bleachers, shaking her head and wondering what in the world she's created sometimes.]
UPDATE:
Hurray! I made it through the film - and I only had to fast forward through the last few minutes.
As expected, this movie is so French Horror it might have outdone its French Horrorness. In all, it was exactly as I expected and then some. You think you can anticipation massive amount of blood, guts, and torture, but you can't with French Horror. You just can't.
This movie was also so over-the-top and gruesome that I laughed out loud sometimes. Not out of fun or enjoyment, but because I needed to hear something else other than screaming, eyes popping, skulls crunching, and every other stabby sound you can think of. I had the movie volume turned down to near mute, too.
I think I made it through this film thanks to my new found Pre-French-Horror-Meditative Techniques that I just discovered, as of today. Mostly it involves a lot of humor, Ohms, and having the volume turned way down.
What made the movie watching experience worse (as in maddeningly horrifying) however, was my chicken noodle and dumpling soup dinner choice.
Folks, I was eating soup while watching this film.
Don't eat soup while watching this film!
I think I'm pretty adult most of the time, making wise decisions and living a healthy productive life, but then I ate chicken dumpling soup while watching one of the most disturbing and disgusting films ever made.
No Nice Things Sometimes
During the height of the movie chaos, I bit into some chicken cartilage. This - not the movie - sent me running straight for the sink where the rest of my meal was deposited with terrible sounds, drama, and gusto. This is not the first time something like this has happened. I have a long history of puking up my food whenever I bite into something "that wasn't supposed to be there". To all the fine restaurants where I tried Oysters - I'm sorry. To the dinner guests surrounding me, I'm very sorry.
So although we can't blame the movie for this one, I must admit the timing was so wrong/right it really tied the movie together. Puking.
Alright, I'm all done talking about this horrifying film. It's scary. It's wrong. It crosses boundaries. It's main goal in life is to destroy your soul. This is French Horror at one of its finest.
Pairing: just... just try to live life and be a happy person and know that nothing pairs with this film. All you can do is try to prepare for it. See you again in another 3 - 10 years French Horror. My Husband and I are going to watch something comparatively happy now, like The Walking Dead.
I rented this movie from my local video store. Use the links under Find It. Watch It. on Horror Habit's side bar to locate where else you can find this super blood and guts-tastic feature.
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