Friday, October 10, 2014

Zombie Hunter (2013)

Spent my day today attracting crazy people.

I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, didn't take any Hey, Crazy People, I'm Over Here pills, in fact - from a 3rd party perspective - today was painfully dull.


I had my fill of the run-ins with the not-all-theres. To the point that when I came home today, I was ridiculously exhausted. EXHAUSTED.

So where so I go from there? What movie could I possibly watch that I would not immediately make me fall asleep the minute I get my PJs on?

I guess it's Zombie Hunter - cause this film is due back at the video store tomorrow and it looks hilarious.

It's late, I'm so tired, coin has been tossed if I actually will stay awake for the entire show tonight - time to get this movie started!

See you after the show!


Folks, I fell asleep before I was able to get my final review up. And by fall asleep I mean I put my family in a little bit of jeopardy. And by little bit of jeopardy I mean I fell asleep on the couch, lights on and with the patio door wide open (screen was closed to contain the cats, but still).  Our ground level patio door is Right There, on the street, easily accessible/view-able from the sidewalk. In essence, I left a great big sign on our door saying "CRAZIES WELCOME".

And I Blame This Awful Movie. This is one of the worst films I've ever seen.

Against all odds I didn't fall asleep during the movie. I actually made it all the way through - to my detriment. What made this film so bad, you ask? Let me count top five ways:

#1: The sexism. It was painful, folks. The way the two women were portrayed turned my stomach and just pissed me right the flock off. It wasn't even remotely funny, pulpy, or campy. Just wrong.

#2: Graphics. I'm not sure what they were trying to do but it just ended up looking like a middle school comic book experiment.

#3: Acting. No. Just stop.

#4: Dialog. Made everything worse.

#5: Story line, although sounding good at first, quickly lost me and went nowhere.

Folks, this film felt like a very misinformed hand-drawn five page guidebook, passed around to 13 year old boys, on how to "pick up chicks", a few statements on how drugs are bad, and a paragraph on what it means to be a "man". In all, this film is socially debilitating.

To Summerize:

What the f is that?

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