Monday, October 20, 2014

The Eternal (1988)

Folks, IMDB is telling me this movie is titled "Trance". The DVD I picked up is telling me it's call The Eternal. I'm going with the latter because sometimes IMDB and I argue...a lot.

Tonight's movie choice was hard! We have two classics (one with a 100% positive rating at Rotten Tomatoes) and then this one.

Here's how IMDB summarizes The Eternal...

"An alcoholic American couple travel to the UK with their son so he can meet his grandmother but they walk in on their crazed uncle who is in the midst of reviving a centuries-old Druid witch."

What the WHAT? Seriously?!  "...crazed uncle who is in the midst of reviving a centuries-old Druid witch?" Folks, this calls for a cat walking backwards:

Seriously, just copy and paste the link. Youtube is not allowing me to embed this one because Youtube:

I only rented this film because it has Christopher Walken in it. And I'm only watching it tonight because I plan on having a super awesome double feature night tomorrow.

So we got chicken tacos (FINALLY) on the menu. See you all after this crazy crazy show. [turns away chuckling] ".... crazy uncle reviving a witch." I would have liked to have heard that movie pitch to the producers...

I suspect This. Will. Not. Turn. Out. Well. On multiple levels...


W. T. F.

I don't understand what happened here. The cat didn't even roll up by our sides until this film was over.

This is one of the strangest films I've ever seen. My Husband and I were both rolling on our sides and sitting on the edge of our seats with jaws dropped.

I have no idea if this movie is a parable about drinking, or a really horrible awful bad story about Irish and their drinking, or a Christopher Walken bet that he lost, but this movie is really one of the strangest movies I've ever seen.

You know what, just watch the cat walking backwards video. JUST WATCH IT. RIGHT NOW.

Okay, now we can continue.

This movie makes 100% less sense than a video of a Japanese cat walking backwards. I. Am Not. Joking.

In fact, here's what you'll say throughout the entire film:


The movie is supposed to take place in Ireland, but there is not one Irish person in the whole film. Christopher Walken's character is... how shall I say this... wrong the ways only Christopher Walken can make wrong.

I think everyone involved in the making of this film was Drunk Off Their Asses And VERY Angry About It.

But you know what, alcohol addiction is nothing to laugh about. If that's what this movie was trying to get across then it failed miserably. If it was trying to make light of alcohol addiction then it got first place in the You're Doing It Wrong category.

This movie felt like a terrible 3 day Greek Row booze and drug bender. I've never been in a terrible 3 day Greek Row booze and drug bender - but [claps hands] now I think I can cross that item that was never on my list off.

This is not a good film, no. But this is a very Interesting As Hell film. This is a film to watch with a group of friends looking for an adventure...

This is a film to watch when you believe your life is a little too boring and you're looking for existential reasons for the purpose of big, empty houses and 20 year old records.

This film brought out some of the best in Mike's and my snarky commentary, but it also blew our minds to the point that we needed to watch some of The Walking Dead to come back to reality (and for our cat to come back and sit next to us)

In closing: What. The. Hell. Was. That.

Recommended pairing: Jameson. Jameson. Jameson. If you do not drink then I do not recommend this film - tonight's film is not the night or the reason to start.

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